DC Trawler

Who Is The Poop Nazi? [UPDATED]

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And what does a poop swastika look like, anyway?

As the nation watches what’s happening at the University of Missouri, it’s worth remembering that this whole thing got started because somebody said they saw a swastika smeared on a wall, rendered in fecal matter. It stinks, and not for the obvious reason.

Sean Davis, The Federalist:

On October 28, Mizzou student dorm association president Billy Donley dropped a bomb on his fellow students: somebody at the University of Missouri drew a swastika in one of the school’s dorms. Donley’s claim, which was later expanded to include allegations that the swastika was drawn with human feces, ignited a racial firestorm that eventually led to the resignations of Mizzou’s top two university administrators…

Despite extensive efforts to elicit information from law enforcement authorities, university officials, and even dormitory custodial staff who would have been responsible for removing traces of the fecal vandalism, The Federalist has yet to verify any of the facts initially asserted by Donley…

As of Wednesday, zero pictures of the alleged poop swastika have been released. Zero video evidence has been released. No suspects have been publicly identified. No eyewitnesses have publicly come forward to discuss the specifics of the alleged incident. In an age of constant selfies and ubiquitous smartphones, the lack of any photographic evidence of the poop swastika raises serious questions about whether the entire incident was a hoax.

Read the whole thing. Davis is doing what reporters are supposed to do. He’s checking the facts behind this news story. And in doing so, he has revealed that there aren’t any facts. It’s just an unfounded rumor.

It may seem silly to try to verify a story about a poop swastika, but it’s not nearly as silly as flying into a panic about “systemic racism” because you heard about a poop swastika.

Why would a poop swastika be considered evidence of prejudice solely against black people, anyway? Sure, Nazis have always been racists, but they’re also anti-Semitic and homophobic and all sorts of other unpleasant things as well. How do we know that the Poop Nazi, if such a person exists, isn’t an equal-opportunity bigot?

Sean Davis is right. I’m calling B.S. on this one. The truth has been flushed out, and this story has swirled down the drain. It would be ridiculous for people to lose their $#!+ like this even if it really happened, but there’s absolutely no evidence it did.

Alimentary, my dear Watson.

Spray some Febreze. Light a match. The poop swastika story is a big, steaming pile of nonsense.

Update: I am deeply mortified and ashamed to announce that the poop swastika is indeed real. This is irrefutable proof that Mizzou, and by extension the United States of America, is systemically racist. My white privilege blinded me to the pain suffered by the people of color who heard about the feces smeared on a bathroom wall, and for that I am truly sorry.