As another year winds down, it’s time to look back at the politicians, talentless hacks and other assorted wearisome celebrities who bored us most.
Someone please let these 23 people it’s time to go away:
23. [crscore]Lindsey Graham[/crscore]’s supporter. Before Republican presidential candidate Lindsey Graham officially dropped out of the 2016 race this week, his supporter was a curiosity — but very rarely gave interviews. Now, however, this person is just a mundane voter like the rest of us.
22. Pro-war politician of fortune [crscore]Al Franken[/crscore], who pimped out his own infant grandson for campaign contributions earlier this year, was once an unfunny comedian with bit parts on “Saturday Night Live.” He has been elected to the U.S. Senate twice by the same people who elected professional wrestler and noted conspiracy theorist Jesse Ventura as governor. How can a guy with this background be such a stick in the mud? Probably, it’s all that cocaine use. Let that be a lesson, kiddos!
21. Once upon a time, the National Football League was fascinating. Quarterback Dan Pastorini posed in Playgirl. Joe Montana led epic comebacks. Al Davis bestrode the sidelines like a weirdo colossus. And NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle was a man among men. These days, commissioner Roger Goodell spends his time on witch hunts against the New England Patriots.
20. In theory, Martin O’Malley should be a compelling Democratic presidential candidate. He’s young-ish and attractive as far as wonky politicians go. He plays guitar. Here, he is even holding a ball of energy that only he can see. However, O’Malley can’t seem to get any traction in the polls. Conspiracy? Or a justified response to tedium?
19. MSNBC’s entire talent lineup. Sure, it’s fun to rubberneck at MSNBC’s perennial death spiral as the cable network lurches further to the left — driving more and more viewers away in a strange cycle. However, the network’s actual content is uninspired hackery at this point.
18. Alleged maverick two-term Republican Gov. John Kasich doesn’t exactly move the charisma needle. He talks too much about his dad being a mailman. He seems angry — at his own party’s voters. An establishment candidate with a chance of winning could probably do something useful with the 2 percent of the vote Kasich persistently gets in national GOP polls.
17. Bill Nye the “Science Guy” rakes in cash jet-setting around the country in large airliners to give platitudinous speeches about global warming (except he now insists you call it “climate change”). He links floods to a coming weather apocalypse which may even hamper all his flying. It’s a cushy gig for a mechanical engineer whose career trajectory is roughly the same as Rachael Ray’s.16. Barack Obama. Where’s the hope? Where’s the change? Where’s the messiah and “Lightworker,” “that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet?” Where is the “triumph of word over flesh, over color, over despair?” This guy just turned out to be a dull nerd with a wretched foreign policy.
15. If you decide to run for president, you would probably do about as well as former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore — except your poll numbers might be higher. Gilmore, a Republican, remains an official candidate in the 2016 presidential election. Suffice it to say, he has yet to catch lightning in a bottle. On the bright side, Gilmore was reportedly verified on Twitter Oct. 30, 2015.
14. Last seen urgently flying about on huge, toxin-spewing jet airplanes to and from his several comfortably climate-controlled homes, Al Gore is the living, breathing definition of a washed-up has-been. But at least he is eating well. That perpetually crazy look in his eyes he had for years after he lost a close election to George W. Bush in 2000 seems to have subsided as well. TheDC hopes he finds something more exciting to do.
13. Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Who could possibly be more stodgy and monotonous than a Supreme Court justice who votes reliably for more, bigger central government and progressive policies? Also, shouldn’t Supreme Court justices be able to write their way out of wet paper bags — or at least say something interesting over 22 long years?
12. Clock Boy. This fall, Ahmed Mohammed, a 14-year-old Muslim boy, brought a curious-looking disassembled clock to an Irving, Texas school and ended up arrested over fears it was a bomb. Mohammed later left America altogether to live in a theocratic, authoritarian slave state. His family filed a $15 million lawsuit for damages. Can America be done with this kid now?
11. Ta-Nehisi Coates — America’s premier affirmative-action-hire intellectual — is to thoughtful discourse as a single kazoo playing underwater is to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. He is especially loved by leftists who like to buy books but not read them. The key to the whole enterprise is coffee table presentation.
10. Insufferably trite Washington Post writer Wesley Lowery makes Ta-Nehisi Coates look like a combination of Aristotle, Nietzsche and a dozen other towering intellectual giants. Lowery is famous for believing he can stay in a McDonald’s as long as he wants because he’s a special-snowflake reporter.
9. Harvard Law School professor Lawrence Lessig ran for president in 2015. Absolutely no one cared. In 2014, Lessing launched a political action committee to raise millions of dollars in an attempt to prevent political action committees — except his — from influencing elections. His efforts failed almost completely. When will Lessig take the hint and stop annoying everyone with his stale issue?
8. Malala Yousafzai, who has now reached the age of 18, is the youngest-ever Nobel Prize laureate. Hers is a wonderful, uplifting story. But does she really have a Ph.D. in everything — and is she really some respectable voice for truth in all things geopolitics — just because she did some blogging and got shot on a bus by some Taliban idiots when she was 12? It’s been an interminably long 15 minutes.
7. Wishy-washy prepubescent YouTube sensation C.J. Pearson, age 13, was briefly a rock-ribbed conservative. For some reason, people cared. Recently, he decided he isn’t a conservative any longer. Now, he supports socialist Bernie Sanders for president. Let’s ignore the boring rants of middle schoolers, America. Let’s encourage them to learn algebra instead.
6. A magazine called People which was popular back in the 1980s declared that Amy Schumer is the most intriguing person of 2015, apparently because Schumer makes a living by egregiously ripping off the much funnier Sarah Silverman. Also, Schumer starred in a mildly successful movie this year. Schumer’s vagina-focused humor has its moments, but it’s usually saggy at best and now it’s time to move on.
5. What has happened to BuzzFeed? Two weeks ago, just for example, the site posted a video featuring couples trying to guess each other’s perfect sandwich (sponsored by Subway). When did the zombies take over? Are you guys okay?
4. The guy who replaced Jon Stewart. America has waited tolerantly and patiently for the people who run Comedy Central to use a big vaudeville hook to forcibly remove Trevor Noah from the stage. Reruns of “Futurama” and “Tosh.0” will only generate goodwill for so long.
Hair like a scarecrow/Vapid, confused talking points/Flowbees are for sale
2. Stephen Colbert was very entertaining as a goofy liberal crank pretending to be a fictional, idiot conservative who hates gay people. He is a strangely pedestrian, tiresome yawn as a goofy liberal crank actually attempting to be funny on his own merits. How profoundly sad it must be to find out people are bored to tears and don’t much like you when you play yourself.1. Hillary Clinton is a corrupt, scandal-ridden former first lady who — let’s be honest — has risen far beyond her abilities because she married a very talented politician who continually cheats on her. Her speeches are monotonous. No one can remember much she has ever done — beyond the egregious errors — but, of course, what difference, at this point, does it make?
Photos: Getty Images/Bavaria, Getty Images/Mark Wilson, Getty Images Alex Goodlett, Getty Images/Andrew Burton, YouTube screenshots (Licentiathe8th, All In with Chris Hayes, Washington Free Beacon, Western Journalism), REUTERS/Yuri Gripas, Getty Images/Kevin Winter, REUTERS/Carlos Barria, Getty Images/Darren McCollester, REUTERS/Stringer, JIM WATSON/AFP/Getty Images, Getty Images/Ashraf Shazly, Getty Images/Paul Marotta, YouTube screenshot/jacobhawkins, YouTube screenshot/lessig2016.us, Getty Images/Richard Stonehouse, YouTube screenshot/CJ Pearson, Photo: Getty Images, YouTube screenshot/BuzzFeedVideo, Getty Images Brad/Barket, Getty Images/Rob Kim, REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson, REUTERS/Brian Snyder