DC Trawler

Relax, Everyone: The US ‘Will Not Accept’ North Korea As A Nuclear State

REUTERS/Jason Lee

I don’t know about you, but I got a little nervous when I heard that North Korea might have detonated an H-bomb. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like the idea of Kim Jong-un playing Missile Command with actual missiles!

At this point, it’s unclear if the Norks are just saber-rattling. There was a big earthquake over there this morning, but that might’ve just been one of Kimmy’s kimchi farts. The US intelligence community is officially “highly skeptical” that North Korea’s claim is true, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.

Either way, we needn’t worry, because my old pals as the State Department are on the case. Anna Fifield, Washington Post:

“We are aware of seismic activity on the Korean Peninsula in the vicinity of a known North Korean nuclear test site and have seen Pyongyang’s claims of a nuclear test,” said John Kirby, a spokesman at the State Department. “We are monitoring and continuing to assess the situation in close coordination with our regional partners…”

“We have consistently made clear that we will not accept [North Korea] as a nuclear state,” Kirby said. “We will continue to protect and defend our allies in the region, including the Republic of Korea, and will respond appropriately to any and all North Korean provocations.”

Whew!

Did you hear that, North Korea? We will not accept you as a nuclear state. See? It’s already been set in stone Twitter and everything.

Everybody wants to be accepted. But that’s too bad for North Korea, because we’re withholding our acceptance. This is not happening. We do not accept it.

You know what to do, people: Break out the hashtags.

#NoNorkNukes!

P.S.