DC Trawler

No True Irishman Loves St. Patrick’s Day

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I speak for every true potato-loving mick on the planet when I say that St. Patrick’s Day is a genuine Irish holiday that’s been corrupted into Amateur Drunk Day by us filthy Americans. Nobody in Ireland really cared much about it until dumb American tourists started going over there every March, demanding green beer and tunelessly bellowing “Danny Boy” out of their vomit-encrusted cakeholes. St. Paddy’s Day is fake. It’s Kwanzaa for white people.

And this fine Irish gentleman is having none of it, thank you very little. Courtesy of the Midday show on Ireland’s TV3 network:

We have earned this Irishman’s contempt, America. Now sit in it.

If you’re going to drink today, drink for the right reasons. Don’t drink because you bought a plastic hat at CVS. Don’t drink because somebody poured tons of green dye into the nearest body of water. Drink because it’s Thursday, and you’re an alcoholic.

(Hat tip: Mashable)