The buzz around the Beltway this morning revolved around the notion that Paul Ryan may secretly be running for president. As of now, this one is too soon to tell, although Speaker Ryan himself has repeatedly made statements that border on the Shermanesque. Still, it is never too early to plan ahead, and if the 2012 Vice Presidential nominee does indeed emerge from the ashes at Cleveland, you’ll want to be prepared.
First, you’ll want to read his book, “The Way Forward: Renewing the American Idea.” This will help you get familiarized with the policies floating around in the head of the “intellectual leader of the Republican Party.” After all, these policies may be the ones disseminated from the Oval Office starting next January.
After that, you’ll need the bobblehead. Amazon actually has a great selection of politico figurines, and the Ryan bobblehead’s sunny disposition certainly resembles that of its likeness. Since preparing for a Ryan presidency necessarily means expecting a convention fight in June, you will also want to get a Donald Trump bobblehead. You can decide whether to get the Royal, which features Trump’s signature frown, or the Limited Edition, in which he dons his famous red “Make America Great Again” headwear.
You will find yourself at another tough decision point when you must choose which cardboard cutout standup to get. Both the traditional and Chippendale models have their upsides, and there may in fact be a good case for buying both.
Having stocked up on the Paul Ryan evergreen merchandise, it is then time to delve into the 2016-specific paraphernalia. As of now, there is a surprising dearth of “Paul Ryan 2016” gear for sale on Amazon, but that should not deter you from getting the head of the curve this tumultuous primary season. Your best bet currently is to get a “Paul Ryan American President 2016” T-shirts. Not only can you purchase one in Men’s, Women’s or Youth, but you also get to choose a color from baby blue, black, lemon, silver and white. While it may just be one design, this means there are 15 total shirt options. That is just the start you need to prepare yourself for the white knight rising.