DC Trawler

Dan Rather To Ted Cruz: ‘Don’t Taunt The Alligator Until After You Cross The Creek’

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Remember Dan Rather? He’s the former CBS News anchor who fell from grace after he was duped by some fake memos about George W. Bush’s Texas Air National Guard service. The memos were supposed to be an October surprise during the 2004 presidential race, but the surprise was on Rather.

Rather resigned in disgrace back in 2005, but he’s still hanging in there because there’s no room in the news business for an appropriate sense of shame. Hell, somebody even made a movie about that whole memo debacle, and Rather was actually the hero. The flick was an enormous bomb, but it’s always nice to have Robert Redford and his lustrous hairpiece in your corner.

Rather definitely made his mark on the 2004 race, even if that mark was only down the back of his own trousers. And he’s set to do the same thing in 2016! While talking to CNN’s Don Lemon last night, Rather offered Ted Cruz some words of wisdom going into the Wisconsin primary:

Now, I’ve never been chased by an alligator, but… don’t they come up on dry land? Aren’t they pretty fast? Couldn’t the alligator still get you if, for some unknown reason, you stopped to taunt it? For that matter, why belittle a creature that doesn’t understand human language?

But then, “Don’t taunt the alligator until you’re safely aloft in the waiting helicopter” doesn’t really have the same ring to it. Well played, Kenneth.

In closing, I’d like to apologize to alligators everywhere for Dan Rather’s irresponsible slur. It’s cruel and unnecessary to compare you to Donald Trump.

(Hat tip: Twitchy)