DC Trawler

Hillary Gives Reporters Static… Literally


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Nobody actually likes the sound of Hillary Clinton’s voice. On the Cringe Scale, her grating squawk is somewhere between “Nails on a blackboard” and “Slaughterhouse with defective soundproofing.” She is the reason God invented the Mute button.

Can you really blame Bill? He just wants a moment’s peace now and then.

That’s why I welcome the following development, and I hope it becomes the standard at all Clinton events. Chuck Ross reports:

Hillary Clinton’s campaign team reportedly used a static noise machine on Thursday to block reporters outside of a fundraiser in Denver from hearing her remarks.

That’s according to Stan Bush, a reporter for Denver’s CBS-4, who was stationed outside of the event, which was held outdoors at the home of Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper, a superdelegate who has endorsed Clinton.

This is a good first step. Next, they should shine lasers into the lenses of all the news cameras, so we don’t have to look at her. Or maybe wrap her in one of those “invisibility” cloaks the Army has been working on? Talk about transparency in government!

Ideally, she would just admit she’s a criminal, drop out of the race, and turn herself in to the authorities. That would solve the problem entirely. But that seems unlikely, so blotting out all audiovisual evidence of her existence will have to do. Thank you, Team Hillary.