DC Trawler

Inky The Octopus Escapes Aquarium, Delighting Morons Everywhere

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Animals are dumb. I don’t like them, and I certainly don’t trust them. You can never turn your back on an animal, because you don’t know what it’ll do. If you’re responsible for the care and feeding of an animal, you can be sure that the non-human ingrate will repay your kindness with betrayal.

And that’s just land-based animals. Sea creatures? Forget about it. Just check out this spineless undersea chump, in that country that isn’t Australia even though everybody talks like it. Radio New Zealand:

A crafty octopus has squeezed through a gap in its enclosure, down a narrow drain and escaped from a Napier aquarium…

National Aquarium manager Rob Yarrall said octopuses were incredible escape artists, and Inky was no exception…

Mr Yarrall said Inky slipped out of his enclosure and across the floor to a drain hole 150 mm in diameter, used for taking water back to the ocean.

“He managed to make his way to one of the drain holes which go back to the ocean and off he went – and he didn’t even leave us a message.”

Maybe Inky got tired of hearing that accent.

I have to admit, it’s pretty cool that an octopus can fit into a space as small as its own beak. That, and the fact that an octopus has never stolen a joke, makes it preferable to Amy Schumer.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever eaten octopus. Is calamari made out of octopus? Or is that squid? Well, it’s one of those disgusting creatures. I don’t want to look at it squirming around like a Jell-O mold with eyes, but it’s lovely when you fry it up and serve it with a nice dipping sauce. Now that Inky has fled the people who were keeping him safe, I hope somebody catches that miserable cephalopod bastard and eats him. Take that, sucker!