DC Trawler

Pastor’s Preposterous Pretend Pastry Putdown Poops Out

(REUTERS/Rick Wilking/Files)

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It’s tough to keep up with the 24/7 news cycle, man. By the time I can think of an alliterative headline for the latest social-justice hoax, it’s already old news!

But in case you missed it, on Monday a fellow in Austin, Texas named Pastor Jordan Brown posted the following items on the Internet. Y’know, the place where everything you see and hear is true.


Who knew that Whole Foods — in Austin, Texas — was such a hotbed of bigotry?

Brown held a press conference, because of course he did. And the media pounced, because of course they did. In 2016, “hate crime” has been defined down to “writing a bad word on a cake.” Once you get gay marriage, you have to find some other way to make yourself a victim, or else you’ll get kicked out of the Democratic Party.

The company responded quickly, denying the allegation and posting this surveillance video of Brown purchasing the cake. He’s the guy in the orange t-shirt, presumably the same one he’s wearing above:

You can read the Whole Foods statement about it here. They say the video shows the cashier scanning the UPC label on the top of the box, but in Brown’s video the sticker has been moved to the side. They say that’s evidence that he tampered with the cake, and they intend to take legal action.

Is it ridiculous to have to study a clip of a guy buying a cake like it’s the Zapruder film? Yep. But if the dude is going to make an accusation like this, with a PR strategy all mapped out and his lawyers sharpening their knives, he shouldn’t be surprised that the accused are defending themselves.

I hope this is all worth it, Pastor Brown. I can’t wait for you to tell us how you were just “raising awareness.”

Update: The sooner this guy comes clean, the worse it won’t get for him.