DC Trawler

Trump Takes (Second Place In) Manhattan

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In an unexpected turn that will shock anyone who was literally born yesterday, Donald Trump just won the NY Republican primary. But in that yuuuuuge punch bowl of delicious victory, some mischievous scamp has plopped in a teensy-tiny turd.

Check out the electoral map, courtesy of the NYT:


Wow, look at all that beautiful bright red. It’s like the whole state is made of Mister Trump’s face. What a big win!

But wait. I spy a little speck that’s the wrong color. See, down there at the bottom? What’s that irritating blue splinter in the mighty lion’s paw?* Let’s take a closer look:


Oh my. Trump won New York, except for his closest neighbors. He conquered everywhere in the entire state, with the exception of…


Which he lost to this guy…

John Kasich eats pizza with a fork

Wait. Do you hear that? What’s that sound?

Don’t worry, Trumpkins. Mister Trump didn’t want to win Manhattan anyway. Why would he care about that dump? And if your master manages to steal the Republican nomination in July, he’ll have a really good excuse for losing the state of New York in November. No matter what happens, you won’t be humiliated. You made the right choice.

(Hat tip: J.D. Durkin)

*Which is, by the way, a normal-sized paw, if not larger, believe him, people say to him all the time…