DC Trawler

Michael Stipe Wants To Grab Our Guns

Font Size:

Michael Stipe used to be the lead singer for a popular rock band called R.E.M. That was a long time ago.

Now he’s back! In the latest edition of USA Today, Stipe has penned a plea to the governor of Georgia: Please take away the Consitutional rights of Americans.

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal will soon decide if Georgia colleges and universities will be forced to allow hidden, loaded handguns onto campuses across the state. If the governor signs the bill on his desk, he’ll be going against the 78% of Georgians who say they oppose guns on campus, as well as a host of college administrators and prominent student and faculty organizations that have spoken out against the bill…

I’m worried about classrooms. If students are debating a contested subject – which is crucial to learning and expanding their worldviews – I worry what will happen to that open and honest conversation when the participants know that the people around them could have loaded guns in their backpacks…

Everyone in this fight believes they’re fighting to make colleges safer. But a loud gun lobby shouldn’t outweigh the voices of people across the country — 78 percent of students, 95 percent of college presidents and 89 percent of police chiefs — who say they don’t want this.

Maybe R.E.M. should get back together and refuse to play in Georgia. That’d show ’em.

Stipe doesn’t think young adults can handle their Second Amendment rights and responsibilities, so he wants to make the decision for them. He ignores historical events like the massacre at Virginia Tech, where a madman went on a shooting spree in a “gun-free zone.” It’s just too bad about the 32 people who were gunned down in cold blood. Sure, they might’ve been able to fight back if they’d had loaded guns in their backpacks. But forget it, Mike’s rolling.

He makes a compelling argument that students won’t be able to disagree with each other without being threatened with gun violence. As we all know, the way to deal with disagreement on “contested subjects” on a college campus is to whine about microaggressions and demand safe spaces. Then a list of demands is presented, sit-ins are posted to social media, and enrollment plummets.

Also: There are polls that agree with Michael Stipe.

Okay, Mr. Stipe. You don’t want guns on campus, because guns are dangerous. It doesn’t matter who’s carrying them. The guns themselves are the problem. So let’s get rid of them.

But why stop there? Will you join me in calling for the Secret Service to be disbanded, or at least disarmed? Will you add your voice to the growing chorus of Americans who want to make the White House a gun-free zone? Will you help protect the Obamas from the evil, evil guns that surround them 24/7?

If not, why not?

See, that’s the thing about Utopia, Mr. Stipe: Can’t get there from here. There are always going to be people who abuse their rights. That doesn’t mean those rights are no longer rights. Rendering people defenseless doesn’t help them.

You can’t control other people, Mr. Stipe. You can’t live their lives for them. Whether you want to admit it or not, your desire to do so tells us that you’re a fascist.

Alright, you can go away again. Try again in another five years.