DC Trawler

Mike Huckabee Wants Me Out Of The Republican Party, Which Sounds Good

When you think of the future of the Republican Party, what’s the first name that comes to mind?

Go ahead, I’ll give you a minute.

Okay? Well, peasant, if you said anything other than “Mike Huckabee,” you’re wrong. Here’s why. Sam Reisman, Mediaite:

Former GOP candidate Mike Huckabee has come out in loud support of Donald Trump this week and is now blasting any Republicans threatening not to back him…

“When we nominated people over the past several election cycles, some of us had heartburn, but we stepped up and supported the nominee,” he said, and told any Republicans not backing Trump to leave the party. “This isn’t Burger King,” he said. “This is an election. And you don’t get it all the time just like you want it.”

“You’re either on the team, or you’re not on the team,” he added.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, then, I’m not on the team.

[LOOKS LEFT, LOOKS RIGHT, LOOKS UP, LOOKS DOWN]

Um… now what happens, Mike? I can’t hope for an audition with Capitol Offense? You’ll say something mean about me in your next no-selling book? What terrible fate will befall me for daring to defy you?

These guys actually think this is a threat. Oh no, what am I gonna do without my precious Republican Party???

Up yours.

Huckabee. Gingrich. Christie. Jindal. Now, even Perry. These guys are breathing their last gasp of relevance, and they don’t care how much they have to humiliate themselves to scrabble, one last time, for a little bit of power. They make me physically sick to my stomach.

At least a bottom-feeder like Roger Stone doesn’t pretend to be anything more than what he is. Pull up that hairpiece, and you discover it’s just a garbage lid. He’s human vermin. And he’s fine with that. He takes pride in that. He makes his living from that.

But you guys? Really?

I don’t owe you a thing, Mike Huckabee. I don’t owe you a vote for your preferred candidate. I don’t owe you so much as a kind word. I’ve tolerated you and your ilk, because you seemed mostly harmless. Sure, play your little bass guitar on Fox News. Oh ho ho, that’s cute.

But now you’re drawing a line in the sand? You’re telling me it’s your way or the highway? Well then, it’s most definitely the highway. It’s the highway all goddamn night and day. I’ll take the air and enjoy my freedom, while you kiss the ass of a pumpkin-colored charlatan who has destroyed your political party.

Screw all y’all. What are you gonna do about it?