DC Trawler

Budweiser Is Now Called ‘America’ Because Nothing Matters Anymore

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Budweiser is an okay beer if you don’t have much drinkin’ money, you don’t like yourself very much, or both. Trends come and go, but it’s always there. It’s Bud. It’s fine. It’s not gonna kill ya.*

And now it’s got a new name. Mark Wilson, Fast Company:

With the backdrop of the Olympics and a comically botched election, this summer is bound to be what Ricardo Marques, a vice president from Budweiser, calls “maybe the most American summer ever.”

So Budweiser is going to potentially ingenious, potentially absurd branding extremes. The company has kept the same can you already know, but when you look closely, you’ll realize that it has swapped out its own name, “Budweiser,” for “America.”

It’s a funny idea, I guess, but it’s also kind of annoying. Do we go over to your country and tell you what to call your beers, Belgians?

Maybe we do, I have no idea. Yeah, we probably do, don’t we? We’re like that. Sorry, Belgians. Never mind.

But c’mon, we know what America means to us already. Sure, a big part of it is getting plowed on cheap beer. But there’s a lot more to it than that. There’s also whiskey and gin and rum and even vodka, if you’re some kind of commie. Or fruity imports and microbrews, if you’re a flabby blogger who thinks he’s too good for NASCAR. Or, if you’re really desperate, you can choke down some wine. You don’t have to literally drink America in order to drink like an American.

On the bright side, hipsters will now have twice as many reasons to hate Budweiser America. Yay!

*Unless you die from cirrhosis or drunk driving or something, like a weakling.