Today, in an unprecedented turn of events, the presumptive nominee of a major political party made several assertions of fact that were obviously untrue to all but the most ignorant and/or partisan of observers.
“No, I never said what everybody is claiming I said,” the candidate began.
“I said this instead,” the candidate continued, and went on to describe previous statements that the candidate had not, in fact, ever made. Even a cursory Google search resulted in audiovisual evidence of the candidate’s own words from previous [months/weeks/days/hours/minutes/seconds], directly contradicting the candidate’s latest claims.
When the existence of this conclusive evidence was pointed out, the candidate denied it as well.
“That’s not true,” the candidate lied.
“And another thing,” the candidate went on, changing the subject to misstate the truth about another point of controversy that had dogged the campaign. In the same fashion as the candidate’s previous assertions, this ludicrous utterance had no basis in fact whatsoever, barring the scientific discovery of alternate universes. “I have never said otherwise,” claimed the candidate, who had publicly and repeatedly said otherwise.
“In conclusion,” blurted the candidate, before making several other outrageous declarations utterly devoid of any logic, reason, or sense of shame.
Later that day, the candidate’s opponent did precisely the same thing.
This was followed by several days of heated debate online, at various news outlets, and in private conversations across the country, during which the supporters of each candidate pretended to believe brazen untruths and maligned the motives, ancestry, and sexual habits of anyone who refused to deny reality itself.
This cycle was repeated, ad infinitum, until one day a massive meteor struck the Earth and mercifully ended all life on the planet. The venue for the depressingly pointless debate was then moved to the fiery wastes of Hell, where it continued for all eternity.
And it was good.