You Won’t Believe That This Way To Get Drunk Is Actually A Real Thing

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Jack Kocsis Director of Commerce
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At the Daily Dealer, we are big fans of the site Touch of Modern, which often has good deals on quality products. Many items are sort of bizarre but awesome nonetheless, such as the Ammodor we wrote about yesterday.

But the latest item is a bridge too far. As the Touch of Modern homepage will show you, Vaportinis are now on sale (now only $32.99!). Take a look. Now, if you are like me, your first reaction was something along the lines of: What on God’s green earth is a Vaportini?

This, apparently, is what a Vaportini looks like (Photo via Touch of Modern)

This, apparently, is what a Vaportini looks like. It’s over 25 percent off right now if you’re into that kind of thing (Photo via Touch of Modern)

Let’s read the product description:

Why drink your alcohol and wait up to half an hour to feel its full effects? The Vaportini allows you to inhale the spirits of your choice, giving you more immediate control of your imbibing. Designed by entrepreneur Julie Palmer, the Vaportini imitates the effects of pouring vodka over hot coals in a sauna — a Helsinki tradition. Experiment with your favorites to find the alcoholic air of your choice.

This is a joke, right? It sounds like one of those prank products that Google “announces” every April Fools’ Day. Like the “Google Nose Beta.” After all, this is ridiculous. There’s no way there is anything called a Vaportini that allows you to inhale the spirits of your choice. Also, who waits a half an hour to feel the effects of alcohol? Whoever you are, I think you’re doing it wrong.

So, I did some Googling (the old-fashioned kind) to see if this is a hoax.

The first thing I discovered was that I am not alone in my incredulity. One of the first Google autofills to come up when I started typing “is vaportini” was the query “is vaportini a real thing.” That’s what the kids are asking these days.

So, what’s the answer? Surprisingly, the answer to “Is Vaportini a real thing?” seems to be “Yes.”, a USA Today site, has a whole review on the product, and guess what they take it seriously, so now I just don’t know.

The piece attempts to lay out a real problem that the Vaportini solves:

To the average drinker, it probably sounds pretty weird, but fans of e-cigarettes and oxygen bars will understand why this is an increasingly popular idea. Vapors contain few calories, carry virtually no impurities, and are absorbed directly into the bloodstream. That means you get drunk more quickly and more efficiently, though the speed of absorption does raise some legitimate health concerns. (We’ll get to those a little later.)

The thing is, while these facts are pretty well-known, few care enough to concoct an elaborate heating vessel and carry it around with them just to get drunk a little more efficiently.

Stupid Americans. Too lazy even to “concoct an elaborate heating vessel and carry it around with them.”

After presenting the issue facing millions of Americans who are not satisfied by the effects of successive Fireball shots, solves the great national crisis. The very next sentence is “Enter the Vaportini.”

Honestly, I cannot possibly think of a reason to get this thing. Vaportini claims that it is some historic Scandinavian tradition to vaporize alcohol. But I lived in Norway for a bit, and I am pretty sure that’s a lie. Either way, Vaportinis are currently on sale. Normally $45, you can get one through June 7 for only $32.99.

Vaportini on sale for $32.99

WATCH The Los Angeles Times (An Actual Real Newspaper) Review The Vaportini:

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Tags : alcohol
Jack Kocsis