DC Trawler

Lions Are Evil And Must Be Destroyed

REUTERS/Siphiwe Sibeko/File Photo

What do you do when an animal tries to hurt a little kid? You kill the animal. That’s what the Cincinnati Zoo did last week, and it was absolutely the right thing to do. People are more important than animals.

And yes, that includes animals you think you know something about because you’ve seen them in cartoons. Check out this little kid in Japan who thought he was watching The Lion King and got a big surprise:

That monster waited until the tyke turned away before it pounced. Lions really are cowardly!

If not for that protective glass, the circle of life would’ve gone right through that lion’s alimentary canal. That foul creature would’ve eaten that sweet little child alive, and then loped over to the shade of the nearest tree to take a nap.

All those morons who picketed Dr. Walter Palmer for defeating Cecil the Lion would’ve been nothing more than a tasty snack to Cecil. He’d gnaw on Jimmy Kimmel’s flabby carcass all day long, without a hint of remorse:

Boo-hoo-hoo! Lions are not our friends. Life is not a Disney cartoon. Stop sobbing.

What does lion meat taste like, anyway? Does it taste like cat meat? Because that stuff is gross. If you tenderized it enough, though, maybe I’d eat a lion steak. That’s the only reason to keep those disgusting beasts around. Biodiversity is for the weak.

(Hat tip: Drew Salisbury)