Until a few months ago, I had no idea I was a bigot for expecting men to use the men’s room and only the men’s room. Thanks to the efforts of Pearl Jam, Ringo Starr, and other important celebrities, I now realize that bathroom choice is the most important issue of our time.
No, seriously. There is literally nothing more important. Just ask James Clapper.
The nation’s top intelligence officer is expected to step into the heated politics of transgender rights on Wednesday during remarks at an annual LGBT pride event.
“Here in the [intelligence community], we have the chance to lead by example,” Director of National Intelligence James Clapper will say, according to prepared remarks. “So I’ll say without equivocation … in IC facilities … you can use whatever restroom you feel comfortable and safe in…”
The speech is scheduled for the fifth annual Intelligence Community Pride Summit on Wednesday.
Your tax dollars at work.
On one hand, it makes sense that a bunch of spies would have no problem being in places where they don’t belong. On the other hand… why is the intelligence community having a “pride summit” in the first place? Don’t they have better things to do? How about taking pride in doing their job? Why do they need other people to tell them they’re okay? Why this constant, desperate need for approval?
Not just tolerance, but outright approval. If I don’t cheer loudly enough when a dude walks into a women’s restroom, I’m the enemy.
I guess all this nonsense was inevitable, though. Hell, even 007 got in on the action a few years back:
When Daniel Craig is dressed like that, she should be able to use any bathroom she wants. Or even if she’s not dressed like that. It all depends on whether she feels comfortable and safe. If that makes other women feel uncomfortable and unsafe, too bad for them. We should support all women, even the ones with male genitals.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go hang out in the ladies’ room until somebody complains and makes me a martyr. I’ve always wanted Bruce Springsteen to write a song about me!