The weekend was a whirlwind of genitalia cracks from former Politico labor reporter turned arch-nemesis Mike Elk.
The trash talk came in the wake of a judge’s ruling last week that Elk cannot frequent five establishments — 4 bars, 1 coffeeshop — in Chattanooga. Elk was arrested in March for not paying his bar tab at The Honest Pint. He was arrested on a host of charges that include resisting arrest, public intoxication and bribery. To be fair, Elk tried to give the bar his vintage Pirates jacket and drivers license in exchange for the beer he imbibed.
Over the weekend, Elk claimed that the server called him a “cheap Jew.” He says this is why he didn’t pay.
He also tried to apologize to Matt Lewis (who owns all those watering holes) for claiming that he has a small penis.
This, after calling the employees of the bar “just losers, hardcore losers.”
Elk’s comments about Lewis’ junk were relentless.
“Chattanooga is a small town and the women in this town know Matt Lewis for how small his dick is,” Elk told The Mirror. “Like microscopic small. Like seriously, I am not engaged in libel when I say Matt Lewis, the owner of the Honest Pint, is known all around Chattanooga for having basically the smallest dick in town.”
As for the “cheap Jew” remark that he’s alleging, he explained: “I just slipped up and the woman (the bartender) was like way to be a cheap Jew. Like she was hitting on me and I shoot her down cold. (I mean seriously why does a bartender care if you talk in the phone. )I was actually on the phone with a Verizon worker in Tampa Norwood Orrick, who works weird shifts.”
He added, “Like, I was being polite and then I was like ‘here is an old business card – see my Twitter is on here. People write about me a lot so if I don’t come back tomorrow – you can public shame me.’ And the woman was like way to be a ‘Cheap Jew.'”
Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. (Just had to get that out of my system.)
Elk was really incensed by what he perceived was anti-religious sentiment. Still, he has regrets about making fun of the bar owner’s penis size and even wanted me to try to broker peace between them. (I’m not getting involved, but if they want to have lunch, I’m happy to show up with a notebook.)
“It’s racist as fuck – they are inferring you can’t be both Irish and Jewish,” he said, explaining that the manager commented on his red Irish beard. “…Feel bad I made fun of his penis size. But it’s like talking about my faith is personal as talking about his penis size. It’s like knock it off – I’ll show you that a real Jewish soldier ain’t scare of shit. Asshole move on my end. Just been on edge cuz he’s stirring up ever drunk racist redneck in eastern Tennessee. Now people think I’m German apparently.”
If ever an apology could make things infinitely worse, it’s this one: “My apologies for bringing what I heard about Matt Lewis penis size,” Elk wrote on Twitter.
Did a bar employee really call him a “cheap Jew?”
Elk told The Mirror, “Swear on a stack of Frank Sinatra albums she did.”
So why is this the first time he’s raising this issue? “I never brought it up because I didn’t want to draw attention to my religion,” he said. “I am very very private about my faith.”
Yes, Elk, Washington Free Beacon‘s 2015 “Man of the Year” is, ahem, a private, low-key guy. Quiet. Like a mouse.
But the fun didn’t stop there.
Without any real segue, Elk began writing The Mirror about ex-Politico President and CEO Jim VandeHei. Politico fired Elk last summer. The company arranged an undisclosed severance package for him that has clearly already dried up.
Subject line: “VandeHei must be hung like a horse.”
Email: “I don’t have any personal insight into this, but man that must have taken balls to write that op-ed about the Innovation Party. Jim’s confidence must be coming from somewhere.”
He continued, “That’s on the record – good for Jim having a horse dick.”
His next correspondence was as follows:
Subject line: “I mean Jim is not that smart.”
Email: “So I always assumed he had a monster johnson winds all that self confidence must have come from somewhere.” When I suggested Jim may possess some intelligence, Elk replied, “Business wise yes, journalism wise – all I gotta say is “Innovation Party 2016.” (He’s referencing VandeHei’s piece in the WSJ in which he suggests a third-party run.)
If discussing your ex-boss’s penis size wasn’t enough damage, Elk went on a brief tirade about getting a birthday mention in Politico Mike Allen‘s Playbook.
“Why don’t you call these guys back and let them know that my birthday gets mentioned in Playbook?” he emailed The Mirror. “You let em know I’m friends with Mike Allen. I better not have to call Mike to come down here and settle this shit. I’d to see their reaction on their face when they found out they are fucking with a friend of Mike Allen.”
Allen had no comment on the matter.