DC Trawler

ISIS Keeps Killing People Because We’re Beating Them, Or Something

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The Obama era is much easier to understand when you stop thinking so much and just accept that every bad thing that happens only proves Obama right. Did you like your doctor, but you didn’t get to keep your doctor? Well then, your doctor was no good anyway. Obama did you a favor. A little gratitude would be nice.

Similarly, everything ISIS does is just further proof that Obama’s anti-ISIS strategy is working. Oh, did they just blow up a bunch of people? Well, there you go. They really are on the run!

Nick Gass, Politico:

Days after the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant claimed responsibility for the deadliest terrorist bombing to hit war-weary Iraq in nearly a decade and recent attacks have jolted Bangladesh and Saudi Arabia, Deputy Secretary of State Tony Blinken on Tuesday claimed that it is more evidence the terror network is on the run.

“Territory matters a great deal,” Blinken told CNN’s “New Day,” explaining the group’s territorial holdings in Iraq and Syria as an attractive pull, along with control of oil and other resources. “If you take that away from them, if you take the foundation away, the whole edifice starts to crumble. And that’s why we see them lashing out in different places.”

See? Whether it’s a bombing in Medina or a gunman’s massacre in Orlando, it’s just further proof that Obama has beaten ISIS and they’re being babies about it. Killing hundreds of people is just “lashing out.” Like a toddler throwing spaghetti at the wall. That’s all this is.

If you or your loved ones are killed in one of these attacks, isn’t that a small price to pay, knowing it just proves Obama has defeated them? Isn’t it nice to play such a meager but significant role in his historic victory? Doesn’t it feel good to know you’re serving him?

ISIS — sorry, make that ISIL — is on the run. And if you get caught in the stampede: You’re welcome.

P.S. Pretty much anybody is eligible to prove Obama right. Even a family in suburban Indianapolis!