When I heard that the new Star Trek movie will reveal that Sulu is gay, within an instant I realized: I’d better praise this development as loudly as possible, or somebody might accuse me of being a homophobe.
It’s not enough to just say “Meh” or “Who cares?” or “Which one is Sulu?” or “The first movie with the new cast was good, but after that they should’ve left it alone.” No. You must applaud the fact that they’re making Sulu gay, or else you hate gay people. Now do it. Cheer. Louder, everybody! Hooray for gay Sulu! Hooray!!
Hey, that guy over there isn’t cheering. Hold him for questioning. That dirty homophobe… Wait. He says his name is what???
As Seth Abramovitch at the Hollywood Reporter reveals, Sulu’s fabulous new gayness was Simon Pegg’s idea. It was intended as a tribute to George Takei, the original Sulu and the gayest guy who has ever lived. You’d figure Takei would be on board, right? Welllllll…
Except Takei wasn’t overjoyed. He had never asked for Sulu to be gay. In fact, he’d much prefer that he stay straight. “I’m delighted that there’s a gay character,” he tells The Hollywood Reporter. “Unfortunately, it’s a twisting of Gene’s creation, to which he put in so much thought. I think it’s really unfortunate…”
Takei first learned of Sulu’s recent same-sex leanings last year, when Cho called him to reveal the big news. Takei tried to convince him to make a new character gay instead. “I told him, ‘Be imaginative and create a character who has a history of being gay, rather than Sulu, who had been straight all this time, suddenly being revealed as being closeted…'”
“I said, ‘This movie is going to be coming out on the 50th anniversary of Star Trek, the 50th anniversary of paying tribute to Gene Roddenberry, the man whose vision it was carried us through half a century. Honor him and create a new character. I urged them.”
Wait. George Takei is championing authorial intent over social justice? Has the world gone mad?
I’m disappointed that Takei wants to respect the wishes of Gene Roddenberry, an old straight white guy who is dead. What about all the gay people who want to enjoy Star Trek but can’t, because there isn’t somebody running around the bridge going, “I’m gay, everybody! Lookit me, I don’t like girls! Quick, somebody say something mean about me so I can play victim!” How are gay people supposed to identify with the crew of the Enterprise if they’re all a bunch of icky breeders? Gross.
Sulu’s here. He’s queer. Get used to it, George Takei.
Besides, everybody already knows about Kirk and Spock. There’s enough slashfic about those two to fill up the USS Vengeance. Just announce the wedding already, boys!
And if any Christian bakers refuse to make you a Pon Farr cake, we’ll throw ’em in the brig.
P.S. Pegg has now straightsplained things to Takei.