The Olympics need to add the killing of terrorists to the list of events people participate in.
People have grown tired of the usual events like swimming, running and basketball. What the world really wants is a competition that leaves all the viewers on the edge of their seats. Making the killing of terrorists an Olympic event will grab the world’s attention and never let it go.
The premiss and execution of this plan would be incredibly simple. A couple dozen detained terrorists are released into some kind of giant arena or outdoor competition area that would include lakes, woods, open areas and other obstacles. The known terrorists are given the guarantee that if they survive the games then they’ll be released. Besides, we can always just drone them later. This provides them the motivation to actually give a great effort.
Navy SEAL (Credit: Shutterstock)
Assembling the teams for each country would also be incredibly easy. Every country gets to send its best ten military members when it comes to their capabilities to stop the heartbeats of terrorists. Imagine the scene as ten Navy SEALs or Delta Force operators enter the arena in full tactical gear. The crowd is going wild, every TV in the world is watching and a fog machine blasting behind the SEALs as music erupts in the arena. It would put the entrances of boxers to shame.
Marine (Credit: Shutterstock)
I also want this for selfish reasons. There’s no doubt that the United States military is better at killing terrorists than any other nation. We killed Osama Bin Laden, the most famous terrorist of all time, in a daring nighttime raid. That’s the equivalent of winning ten Super Bowls in a row by a margin of fifty points each game.
Of course, Russia, China and some European countries will be able to field some competitive squads, but nobody is stopping America from standing at the top of the medal podium. Close your eyes and imagine the patriotism flowing through your body when over the speakers, “And the gold medal for killing the most terrorists goes to the United States of America.” Fireworks fire off in the distance as Americans everywhere rejoice.
Russia has their silver medals and is standing next to the Americans wearing gold medals. The Russians, who have so desperately wanted to be equal to the American military, have been reminded who is king. It’s a win-win scenario all the way around. More terrorists get wiped off the face of the planet and America gets to rack up the medal count.
The “I won a gold medal for killing terrorists” line is guaranteed to supply them with a lifetime of free beer and plenty of women.
America won 121 gold medals in Rio, and that might be satisfying for some countries. However, it’s not good enough for the United States of America, so we must add events that we already dominate. Nobody is better at smoking terrorists than the USA, and that’s why every American should urge its addition to the games.