DC Trawler

Al Gore May Bring Raw Animal Magnetism To Hillary’s Campaign

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For a while there, the polls were all wrong because they said Donald Trump was losing. But now the polls are saying that Trump and Clinton are fleshy, wrinkled neck and fleshy, wrinkled neck. Now we can all start trusting the polls again. Whew!

I don’t want to say Hillary is panicking, because who knows if she’s even conscious right now. But it sounds like her campaign is trying to regain the lead by bringing in some star power. Somebody the American people cherish.

Somebody like President of the Environment Al Gore.

Jonathan Martin and Amy Chozick, NYT:

Hillary Clinton and her Democratic allies, unnerved by the tightening presidential race, are making a major push to dissuade disaffected voters from backing third-party candidates…

Mrs. Clinton may also get an assist from one Democrat who has been largely quiet about the race, but can testify to the importance of resisting the third-party temptation: former Vice President Al Gore…

“I can assure you from personal experience that every vote counts,” Mr. Gore wrote in an email to The New York Times on Thursday, after a new CBS/New York Times poll showed Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Trump virtually tied. “The stakes are high for so many Americans. So I will vote for Hillary Clinton and I strongly encourage others to vote for her as well.”

I hope we see Gore out there on the campaign trail. If we want to save the planet, we need to start recycling. Don’t just throw that failed presidential candidate in the garbage.

Team Hill is also sending out Bernie Sanders and Authentic Native American Elizabeth Warren to campaign for her. Y’know, to bring in the youth vote. After all, kids love old people who promise them lots of free stuff. Just ask your grandparents, or Kris Kringle.

Well, I’m glad Hillary is trying to keep a third-party candidate from spoiling things. The last time that happened, it put Bill Clinton in office. And she can’t stand that guy!