DC Trawler

Who Won The First 2016 Presidential Debate?

You did, assuming you didn’t watch.

It was closer than I thought it would be. She didn’t have a coughing fit and go limp as a ragdoll. He didn’t goosestep around the stage chanting, “Kill the Mexicans!” All in all, it was pretty boring.

I thought Donald Trump started off sounding fairly presidential. Stayed calm, spoke in complete sentences. But of course that couldn’t last, and gradually he reverted back to being Trump. By the end, he was just shooting out word salad punctuated with “Believe me” every 17 words. He kept interrupting both of the people he was debating with — two-on-one is how it works when you’re the Republican — and his team probably wishes he had submitted himself to the indignity of doing the least bit of debate prep.

For her part, Hillary Clinton was dependably robotic and awful throughout. She’s uniquely unlikable, and she’s as quick on her feet as a wounded sea lion. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but I actually hate her more today than I did at this time yesterday.

At one point, Trump was yammering on about his tax returns. (Which I don’t care about one way or another. Release them, don’t release them, either way it doesn’t matter.) And during his rant, for reasons nobody will ever understand, she broke into this bizarre, nauseating grin:


To me, that’s a snapshot of this entire election: He’s angrily protecting his ego at all costs, and she’s displaying what psychologists call “inappropriate affect.” They’re both in their own little worlds. They’re both completely out of their minds.

One of the good things Trump brought up, and moderator Lester Holt didn’t, was her illegal personal email server and thousands of deleted emails. It was probably the first time a lot of viewers were hearing about it. So I give Trump points for that. Not that anything was gained. The people who care about that issue already know about it, and the people who don’t care never will.

The Trump team will tell you he won. The Hillary team, which includes the media, will tell you she won. They’re both wrong. Nobody won. Nothing was gained. Nobody’s mind was changed. We didn’t learn anything we didn’t already know about either of these two babbling gargoyles. No matter which one somehow manages to win by default in November, we are all doomed. Nothing matters. Existence is meaningless. All hope is lost.

Here are some frolicking puppies.

P.S. This is a good point. But I wonder if it really says anything about anybody at Hofstra last night, or is it that we’ve all grown so numb to Islamic terrorism that it no longer registers?