Today I Learned Saying The Word ‘Trump’ Drives Away Demons

The Daily Dealer | Contributor

They say you learn something new every day. Today, I learned two new things. First, I learned that John Podesta was invited to (and may have attended) a “Spirit Cooking dinner,” as uncovered and tweeted out by Wikileaks:

Spirit cookings are Satanic rituals, and accusing someone of participating in Satanic rituals is kind of a big deal. I wanted to give Hillary’s campaign chairman the benefit of the doubt, so I determined to find out the full story before I jumped to conclusions about his eccentric religious practices.

You won’t believe what I found.

The “spirit cooking” Podesta was invited to was supposedly performance art. The “artist” (and host of the dinner) is a woman named Marina Abramovic, who published a “cookbook” in 1996 called “Spirit Cooking with Essential Aphrodisiac Recipes.” Naturally, I had to check it out.

At least on Amazon, the book has not been well-received. One reviewer tragically complained, “I got semen on my drapes.” (Which really is quite sad but is likely an occupational hazard for devil worshippers.) However, the real revelation came via reviewer Lex Talionis, who dropped this bombshell:

I meticulously prepared and partook of the breast milk and semen elixir, and immediately, there appeared before a she-demon of the most hideous form. She lurched forth without any hesitation, outstretched her bony-fingered hand covered in leathery warted skin, and demanded that I give her millions of dollars to appease her wrath that would be visited upon me if I failed to comply with her corrupt and arbitrary demand. “It’s for a good cause,” she assured me. “It’s for the children on the island,” she explained before releasing a ghastly howl of perverse laughter. I pulled back and covered my eyes, trying not to look, and I could hear CNN in the background assuring me that what I was witnessing before my very eyes was all just a figment of my imagination. “I’m giving my money to Trump,” I announced whereupon I immediately noticed the she-demon slightly writhe in pain at the mere mention of the word “Trump.” Incredulously, I tried again. “Trump,” I proclaimed, causing the she-demon to growl deeply, raise her prognathous jaw, stomp her ungulate foot, and howl at the bright full moon that lit up the cold foggy evening. “Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump,” I continued, and with each word the horrific she-beast retreated in pain as the mere word singed her green, withered skin. “Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump,Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.” My words rang out in the still of cool evening as the she-demon screeched off into the night and retreated to a nearby federal prison where she and her other demon friends had retreated for many years, nay, until their very demise.

Read that again. “‘Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump,’ I continued, and with each word the horrific she-beast retreated in pain as the mere word singed her green, withered skin.” If true, this is incredible news! I have always wondered how to expel she-demons. Now I know. So that’s the second thing I learned today. At least, assuming “Lex Talionis” is not some lying liar. You’re not a liar, are you Lex?

Casting out a demon from a woman through prayer. Exorcisms over deranged and crazy person. (Photo via Shutterstock)

Casting out a demon from a woman through prayer. Exorcisms over deranged and crazy person.(Photo via Shutterstock)

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