Politics

Read The SAVAGE GOP Press Release About The Yuppie Lawyer Implicated In Anti-Trump Graffiti

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Rachel Stoltzfoos Staff Reporter
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In a hilariously brutal statement on the revelation that a Philadelphia attorney was involved in spray painting “Fuck Trump” on a new supermarket, the Philly GOP said the man should be fired immediately.

A white man in a blazer and scarf carrying a glass of wine in surveillance footage of the anti-Trump vandalism has been identified as Assistant Solicitor Duncan Lloyd, reports The Inquirer. He walks behind another man who tags the supermarket, stopping to snap a picture before following him away from the scene.

“If the image of an upper-middle class city attorney clad in a blazer and sipping wine while vandalizing an upscale grocery store with an anti-Trump message strikes you as perhaps the most bourgeois sight imaginable, that’s because it is,” the Philly GOP said in a statement responding to the news. “Nothing can better represent the hysterical pearl-clutching of the ‘progressive’ elite in response to this earth-shattering election, when residents of Chestnut Hill and similar neighborhoods across the country discovered – gasp– that other people have a voice too.”

The statement continues: “The assistant city solicitor in question had ostensibly taken the law into his own hands, since a democratic election didn’t yield his preferred outcome. For somebody with extensive legal training to feel entitled to vandalize a newly opened super-market strikes us at the Philadelphia Republican Party as an astonishing feat of idiocy. Did the extra glass of Shiraz give him some sort of delusional confidence that there are no cameras on Germantown Ave? The taxpayers should be entrusting exactly none of our faith into this man. He should be fired from our city’s law department immediately.”

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