DC Trawler

Jimmy Fallon Lifts Michelle Obama’s Spirits With Some Good Ol’ Idol Worship

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At lot of people are angry at Jimmy Fallon for normalizing Donald Trump — i.e., clowning around with the guy like any other guest, instead of screaming “Hitler!” in his face while a howling mob lowered him into a cauldron of boiling oil. If you’re one of those tormented souls who can’t believe that the clown you begged the GOP to nominate actually won, and you’re blaming Fallon for some unfathomable reason, he wants to make it up to you. He wants you to know that he can fawn all over Michelle Obama too, just like everybody else who matters or wants to matter.

I don’t know how else to explain this:

I’ll let you decide which is more ridiculous, Dear Reader: “independent woman” or “style icon”? I don’t know what’s independent about being famous for marrying some dude. And as for style… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Then there’s this. I apologize in advance if you’ve already eaten today:

Nice dress. She asked for drop-dead Chanel, and they made her look like a dead channel.

I know I’m not supposed to say, “This is why you lost,” but this is why you lost. It’s like something from North Korean state television, but without the writing talent. If you could watch this without getting even slightly nauseated, if you didn’t roll your eyes even once, then you deserve to watch your political party crash and burn. She’s the First Lady, you morons, not a queen. Or even a Yaaaasss Queen.

Would Carson have ever done something like this? Or Letterman? Okay, yeah, Letterman would…

P.S. What you just read is racist, because Michelle Obama is black. If you’re black and you agree with me, you’re not really black. In addition, it’s also sexist to criticize this, because she’s a woman. And it’s probably homophobic too, because of that first white dude. If you don’t like it, you might want to educate yourself about a little something called intersectionality.

P.P.S. As usual, Labash says it better than I ever could: “Michelle conducted herself well enough over the last eight years, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not quite sure what she’s done to win the Nobel Prize for Awesomeness. Basically, she lectured us about eating vegetables and danced a lot in public.”