There are two things I hate more than anything else in the world: animals and government employees. When you put the two together, nothing good can come of it.
The National Zoo was where I had the life-altering realization that pandas, and by extension all other animals but dogs, are evil and must be destroyed. Locking them away in zoos is a good start, but even that is no guarantee that humans are safe from the four-legged fiends. Right now there’s an escaped bobcat on the loose in DC, and local residents are on their own.
Michael E. Ruane and Dana Hedgpeth, WaPo:
Officials at the National Zoo have suspended their search for a 25-pound bobcat, named Ollie, who escaped Monday from her enclosure at the Zoo…
At a news conference Wednesday, zoo officials said they were ending the active search for Ollie because she remains elusive. Craig Saffoe, curator of great cats at the zoo, said his staff must deal with larger, more dangerous animals in its day-to-day duties…
“I don’t mean to be pessimistic at all but, we’re looking for a cat who could literally be sitting in a tree right next to us,” Saffoe said.
That’s government work for ya. If a task is too hard, just don’t do it!
I no longer live in DC, but my money still does. You had one job, you idiots: Keep the animals inside. Now you need to fix this. How tough is it to scrape together a saucer of cream and a dart gun?
#StopOllie!
Update: Ollie has been found… in the zoo. They found her by accident, after declaring defeat. Perfect.