DC Trawler

Bao Bao Stinks

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What’s that sound? Is it a garbage truck? No, but there’s definitely some trash being hauled. Its name is Bao Bao.

The disgusting monster finally got kicked out of the National Zoo today, and here’s how they hauled its fat ass out:


Bao Bao is being shipped to China via FedEx, and they’re determined to make it as nauseating as possible:

So that’s one useless parasite getting booted out of Washington. It’s a start!

National Zoo director Dennis Kelly put out a statement, because apparently we’re supposed to be sad about this:

“We’ve watched Bao Bao grow up during the past three years, and she has charmed people all over the world with her independent and playful personality,” Kelly said in a statement.

“Independent”? It’s a panda. It’s utterly reliant on humans, or else its species would’ve died out already. It’s the least independent thing on the planet. Get outta here with your “independent.”

Bao Bao’s worthless carcass is being shipped along with 55 pounds of bamboo for it to snack on. 55 pounds! That’s enough to make a whole patio set. But bamboo is all those stupid beasts will eat, so all that perfectly usable building material is just going to waste.

Good riddance, Bao Bao. Don’t come back.