DC Trawler

For Some Reason, Scientists Have Figured Out Why Pandas Look Like That

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If you’re a longtime reader of this blog, which I suppose is possible, then you know that I have a deep-seated and completely rational dislike of pandas. The more you try to convince me how cute those lumbering monsters are, the more I hate them. And now it turns out that nature itself shares my opinion, because scientists have determined that the panda’s unique black & white coloration is a result of its genetic inadequacy.


The scientists who uncovered why zebras have black and white stripes (to repel biting flies), took the coloration question to giant pandas in a study published this week in the journal Behavioral Ecology…

…The study found that most of the panda – its face, neck, belly, rump—is white to help it hide in snowy habitats. The arms and legs are black, helping it to hide in shade.

The scientists suggest that this dual coloration stems from its poor diet of bamboo and inability to digest a broader variety of plants.

In other words, the panda is a malnourished freak of nature and an abomination upon the land.

Ironically, the result is the panda’s unique coloration, which some humans inexplicably find adorable. That’s why mankind is doing everything possible to keep the species going, despite the course of nature. The panda is actually being rewarded for its failures as a biological organism.

Some racists hate people because they’re black, and some racists hate people because they’re white. This racist hates pandas because they’re pandas.