DC Trawler

Who’s Got A Hankerin’ For Some Bat Salad?

If there’s anything I hate more than animals, it’s salad. How am I supposed to stay so fat if I fill up on stuff with no calories? Duh! Give me some animals to eat instead. That’s why they’re on this planet: Food, transportation, or pets. (Preferably just one category per species, Mr. Obama.)

If I have to eat salad, I like to throw in some grilled chicken or bacon or some other sort of dead animal. But I draw the line at putting a bat in there. Like, the kind with wings. The kind that inspire wealthy orphans to fight crime.

Christopher Mele, NYT:

Two people in Florida ate some salad from a container before discovering the remains of a dead bat inside of it, officials said.

The bat — a Mexican free-tailed bat — was sent last week to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention laboratory for rabies…

Florida health officials were evaluating the people who ate the salad. They reported being in good health and neither exhibited any signs of rabies, the C.D.C. said.

Oh, that’s a relief. So they didn’t get rabies, they just ate salad with A DEAD BAT IN IT.

The salad was from Fresh Express and had the production code G089B19. So if you’ve got one in your fridge, make sure there’s not a bat in it. And if you’ve already eaten some, make sure there’s not half a bat in it.

P.S. Forget what I said about the grilled chicken.