‘Genderqueer’ Parent Hopes Her Son Turns Out ‘Queer’

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Amber Randall Civil Rights Reporter
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A self-professed asexual, genderqueer woman hopes her five year-old son also turns out to be “queer.”

B.R. Sanders, a woman who identifies as transgender, hopes her son will turn out to be queer, she wrote in an op-ed published Wednesday, in part so she can have a way to bond with him. Sanders uses “queer” as an umbrella term for gender identities that are not straight.

“Part of me would love it if he were queer,” Sanders wrote. “What parent doesn’t want to connect with their kid over shared experiences and identities? When I look into the future, I can absolutely see myself bonding with him over the little moments of awkwardness and the larger moments of anger and frustration you deal with as a queer person.”

Sanders, a member of a polyamorous relationship, raises Arthur with her two other queer partners, Jon and Samantha. Arthur was actually born a female, but decided at the age of three that he was a boy. Now Arthur presents as a boy, wearing his hair short and adopting male clothes.

“When Arthur displayed a great deal of gender non-conforming behavior as a teensy child, we all welcomed it. We didn’t have to have any weird, difficult conversations about the legitimacy of queer identity, or whether or not he was too young to know who he truly was. Instead, we just rolled with it,” Sanders wrote.

While the parents will welcome what ever identity Arthur chooses, Sanders says it would be strange for them if Arthur decided he was straight.

“We do joke that it will be strange if Arthur comes out to us as straight,” she wrote. “‘Are you sure? We thought we were straight for a long time,’ we imagine saying to him. ‘It could be just a phase! Just don’t rule out that someone else might come along.'”

“Of course, we’re mostly joking, and we obviously would love him no matter what his identity is,” Sanders continued. “But we’re all half-expecting him to turn out like us.”

CNN contributor Sally Kohn once similarly remarked she hoped her daughter would turn out to be a lesbian like her.

“I’m gay. And I want my kid to be gay, too,” she wrote for The Washington Post, before explaining that it’s normal to want your kid to be like you. “More often than not, we define happiness as some variation on our own lives, or at least the lives of our expectations. If we went to college, we want our kids to go to college.”

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Amber Randall