Hookstead’s Hot Take: Is Pirate Hunting The Next Great Untapped Market?

(Photo by Jason R. Zalasky/U.S. Navy via Getty Images)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
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It’s Wednesday afternoon and The Daily Caller newsroom might have found the next billion dollar idea: luxurious cruises that double as pirate hunts.

Now, before we get started it’s important to address the critics and haters. Some will say this is unethical or illegal.

On the first count, I’d say it’s a hell of a lot more unethical to be a pirate raiding and marauding than it is to be the hunter. On the second point, it’s the law of the open ocean and high seas. Nothing is off-limits.

As we sat in our newsroom shaking off our wicked hangovers from all the beer and booze we slammed down for Independence Day, the idea dawned us. Americans love boats and they love hunting, so it only seems right that it’s time to combine the two. You can’t hunt deer or elk from a luxurious yacht in the middle of the ocean, but hunting pirates? Seems more than plausible.

Pirates, especially those in Somalia and around the Horn of Africa, are not just a menace to society, but legitimately dangerous. They kill people, and with our military already stretched out across the globe, we can’t really afford to send an armada to wipe them off of the face of the planet. This idea is killing, no pun intended, two birds with one stone.

You do a seven-day cruise on a one of the nicest yachts you can find, and the cool part is, you arm the hell out of it. M-4 rifles, RPGs, light and heavy machine guns and any other weapon that you can think of will be onboard. You get all enjoyment of a luxury yacht and the adrenaline rush of gun fights with dangerous pirates. It’s the dream of literally every eight-year-old boy running around in America.

Imagine the excitement onboard when you’re enjoying dinner and a few beers and then a siren goes off that pirates in rusted out boats are approaching. Guests would rush up to grab their weapon of choice and let those criminals have as much freedom as they can provide with every pull of the trigger.

We’d obviously have to have a extremely well-trained team of commandos onboard to restore order if all hell breaks loose, but I find that highly unlikely given the fact guests will be shooting bazookas at canoes.

There are plenty of wealthy people in America who just feel bored and have no new adventures. They won’t be able to spend their money fast enough once tickets go on sale.

Literally nobody in the business world or media world is discussing this idea, and it’s baffling to me and my coworkers. So get in on the ground floor, because everybody is going to want in on this multi-billion dollar idea.

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