DC Trawler

Smoking Chimp Proves Animals Can Be Cool Too

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I don’t like animals, with the exception of dogs, cats (until they stop being cute), and certain species of birds. Animals are dumb. They exist only to provide human beings with food, transportation, and/or entertainment. That’s it. But just because they’re lower than us, that doesn’t mean we have to be cruel to them.

For example, if a chimpanzee finds something that makes her happy, and in turn it makes humans happy… What’s the problem?

Well, of course PETA’s Ingrid Newkirk cares more about North Korean zoo animals than North Korean people.

Look, this poor chimp lives in a zoo. In North Korea. Existence doesn’t get much bleaker than that. Smoking cigarettes is the one thing she’s got. It makes her happy. It keeps her from escaping her imprisonment and coordinating a massive simian uprising to lay waste to human society. Why not let her have it?

Be kind to animals. Let ’em smoke!