Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry are no strangers to the spotlight.
For better or worse, they’re household names. But the only thing worse than spending most of your time in the public eye… is when you start to lose the public’s attention.
Like a proper Disney star, Miley Cyrus enjoyed a wholesome career in acting. After four successful seasons of Hannah Montana, she moved straight to wholesome singing. She belted her way into kid-culture popularity, with hit singles like “Party in the U.S.A” and “The Climb.” But as she began to outgrow teen pop and her own adolescence, the fame also began to dwindle.
She also went through a big breakup with co-star Liam Hemsworth. Fame hungry and broken hearted, Miley wanted a comeback.
That’s when “Wrecking Ball” happened, and the freak show that ensued. America’s sweetheart was now writhing around naked on a mock wrecking ball sing-crying about her broken heart. She’d chopped her brunette hair off and dyed the remainder of it platinum. She donned new tattoos and piercings. She often referenced her recreational drug use.
It worked. Miley had kicked her good girl image to the curb and was once again buzz-worthy. The transformation was complete.
It didn’t come as much of a surprise when Katy Perry started losing relevance a few years later. Her once famous, “California Gurls,” bubble gum pop persona dwindled as her fan base of thousands of screaming girls grew up. Katy was becoming irrelevant.
Perry was desperate for public affirmation again, especially after her public split with longtime boyfriend Orlando Bloom. Noticing a pattern yet?
Now if there’s one thing that Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus have in common, it’s their weirdness. Katy realized that if she ever wanted a shot at fame and popularity again, she had to duplicate Miley’s post-breakup model and embrace the weird. So she chopped her long brunette locks off for a platinum pixie cut – almost identical to Miley’s breakup bob. Suddenly, people were talking again.
It seems as if the only person who liked this change was Guy Fieri.
But the similarities don’t just end there. In true Miley form, Katy was spotted partying all night long in various night clubs with total strangers. She even live-streamed her therapy sessions, capturing “raw” moments where she sobbed that she just didn’t want to be Katy Perry anymore (her real name is Katheryn Hudson).
Aw, Katy. We all feel very bad for you. You’re so relatable in those nightclubs and designer fur coats.
And for her final act, Katy Perry copied Miley by releasing a music video for her entirely unoriginal and incredibly annoying song, “Bon Appetit.” It was her “Wrecking Ball.” And we loved to hate it.
Miley writhed around naked on a wrecking ball. Katy writhed around naked on a dinner table. It’s the same story with different props.
We get it. You people are desperate for attention, and the only way you know how to make a comeback after a breakup is to let your freak flag fly.
So get it over with already. Patent your lame approach to getting fame back. The formula is simple, really. Mix 1 part high-profile breakup with one part blonde pixie haircut. Let simmer in the public eye. Once popularity begins to rise, mix in a generic pop single with blatant nudity and bizarre props. Unabashed drug use is not necessary but highly encouraged. Serve to mass amounts of innocent Americans and ruin their appetite. Enjoy!