Entertainment

Taylor Swift’s Butt-Grabbing Trial Is Nothing Short Of Hilarious

OPINION
Kanye West raps about having sex with Taylor Swift
Ford Springer Reporter
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A man by the name of David Mueller may or may not have grabbed a certain pop star’s ass and the trial that’s come of the alleged incident is absolutely hilarious to me.

Taylor Swift alleges that Mueller reached up her skirt and grabbed her “bare ass” during a meet-and-greet before one of her shows in Denver, Colorado in 2013. Mueller was fired from his job following the incident and later filed a lawsuit against Swift, her mother and her radio promotions director for costing him his job over a false accusations.

The trial on the case began earlier this week and the back and forth between the pop singer and the disgraced DJ is actually laughable.

Now, before you go and get all pissy about me making fun of alleged sexual assault, let me make one thing very clear. I do not condone Mueller’s alleged act, and if he did indeed grab Taylor Swift’s ass as she claims, the guy should be locked up immediately.

However, there is photographic evidence of the exact moment the alleged groping occurred and both Mueller and Swift have used it in their case to argue whether or not the DJ slipped his hand up Swift’s skirt.

“Our hands touched and our arms touched. Her hand touched mine as my hand went behind hers and hers went behind me,” Mueller explained in court on Tuesday.

The former DJ is suing Swift for $3 million for lost earnings after he was fired from his job and blackballed from the industry due to the singer’s accusations. Not only that but he also lost his girlfriend, who was in the photo on the other side of Swift.

“David had his dream job, his girlfriend whom he loved,” Mueller’s lawyer said, “and after just introducing himself to Taylor Swift…he had his hand up her skirt?”

“If you look at that photo, his hand is not underneath her skirt. It’s not ruffled, rumpled, affected in any form or fashion,” she added.

Swift remembers the photo-op in an entirely different way and didn’t hold back when she took the stand Thursday morning to offer her own testimony.

“It was a definite grab, [a] very long grab,” the pop star said. “It was long enough for me to be completely sure it was intentional.”

“He stayed latched on my bare ass cheek as I lurched away from him, visibly uncomfortably,” she continued. “The first couple of milliseconds, I thought it must be a mistake. I moved to the side very quickly.”

“It happened to me. He had a handful of my ass. It happened to me. I know it was him,” Swift said. “I didn’t need a picture. I could have picked him out of a line of a thousand . . . this is not alleged. I don’t need you to grill me about the tiny details of this photograph.”

“It happened to me,” she repeated. “I have a 3-D recollection of it as well as photographic evidence. He had a handful of my ass. It happened to me. I know it was him.”

It’s truly hard to figure out who to believe here, because judging from the photo I’m looking at, they are both bending the truth.

Despite the fact that Mueller looks like a total creep and his hand is clearly located at or around the “Shake It Off” singer’s butt, there’s close to zero chance that he was reaching up her skirt at the time the photo was taken. And while Swift appears a little uncomfortable in the photo, I’m inclined to believe that she would have gone off the damn walls if Mueller actually did what she claimed in court.

So yeah, Mueller might have grabbed a handful of Taylor’s ass and he deserves to punished for it if that’s the case, but from the details that are available to me it looks like Swift got a little carried away on the stand.