The UFC Should Allow Steroids — It’s The Right Thing To Do

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Jena Greene Reporter
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Jon “Bones” Jones reportedly tested positive for steroids last night, and pretty much everyone shrugged because they already knew this had been happening.

This isn’t his first run in with UFC regulation. “Johnny Bones” tested positive for two other banned substances last year. Even though he likely knew the drugs were a no-no, he still defended himself:

It’s airtight logic, really.

But Jones isn’t alone. Countless other UFC fighters have been accused of steroid use and only thinly denied it, most notably with Brock Lesnar’s “I’m a white boy and I’m jacked, deal with it” excuse (a month later he was suspended for using banned substances). Still, A for effort.

Which begs the question everybody wants to know. Why are we still testing UFC players for steroids anyways?

The UFC is all about killing people. Or basically killing them. This is a game where the only equipment is a cage, silk shorts, and the equivalent of driving gloves. These people are savages. What’s a little steroid use?

We don’t look to UFC fighters for civility. We watch them for the raw entertainment value. Do you think it was illegal for Roman gladiators to take steroids? Definitely not.

Let’s just get on with it. These guys abuse substances as much as they abuse their own bodies. A guy who almost bleeds to death on the mat should have the right to stick a needle in his arm once and a while.

I’m not saying all sports should allow steroid use. There are plenty of civilized (lame) sports that will never allow it. Remember the meltdown cyclists had after Lance Armstrong tested positive for doping? Suddenly everybody was blubbering like a baby and clinging to their air pump for moral support.

If you don’t like doping, stick to the Tour de France.

If you like to see fair man-to-man fighting matches, then allow steroid usage in the UFC. Hell, encourage it. Guys are doing it already. Legalizing it is really just getting ahead of the unavoidable movement.

The only way to get a fair matchup is if you mandate steroid usage the same way you mandate strength and conditioning.

Then we’ll be able to settle this question we’ve been wondering for a month, once and for all: