DC Trawler

Atlanta Preppies Suspended for ‘Jews Vs. Nazis’ Beer Pong

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Everybody knows that if you wave around a swastika, that makes you responsible for what Hitler did. (NOTE: If you wave around a Soviet flag, you’re not responsible for what Stalin did. That’s different. Because it just is. Shut up.) This is the latest explanation for why Hillary Clinton lost, so we’ll just go with it, then. That’s why the following story makes me glow with self-righteousness at the sheer level of #wokeAF we’ve achieved in 2017 America.

Aaron Diamant, WSB-TV in Atlanta:

Students from an Atlanta private school are facing disciplinary action after a photo posted online shows them playing a game of “Jews vs. Nazis” beer pong at an off-campus house party.

Channel 2 Action News confirmed the photo shows students of the Lovett School playing the game earlier this month.

The picture clearly shows cups filled with beer in the shape of a Jewish star on one side of the table and a Nazi swastika on the other.

That’s right. The picture clearly shows that.

Did you see that? Those evil white supremacists arranged some beer cups on a ping-pong table in such a way that it magically went back in time and killed 6 million Jews.

There must be some way to prevent beer cups from being arranged into such offensive shapes. Maybe round off the bottoms of them so they can’t stand upright? It’d be worth the mess if it kept just one person from being offended.

If we allow kids at a kegger to make stupid, tasteless jokes, what’s next? Rude limericks? Unsavory anecdotes? Dancing?

This a good start, but we need to go further. We need to ban things like this:

And this:

And especially this:

No more jokes. No more jokes! Or you’re Literally Hitler. That’s what our current moral panic is all about.