Notre Dame Coach Brian Kelly Says Team Will Be Much Better – Has No Idea Why

(Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Jena Greene Reporter
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Notre Dame head football coach Brian Kelly says this year is going to be more successful, but doesn’t really seem to know why.

In an interview released today by Yahoo Sports, he sounded strangely like a wayward presidential candidate we’ve known in a former life.

He said the following:

The point to my team is that we’re building those total preparation traits in you every day now—physical, technical, tactical and mental. Everyone knows that we went 4-8 last season, but I have a great deal of optimism that things will be drastically different this year.

I’m pretty sure I overheard my town’s peewee football coach using those same buzzwords last week during their warmups. Physical, technical, tactical, and mental preparation is a good start, but a ballerina also requires those things to nail her recital. It doesn’t sound like the secret sauce that’s going to get Notre Dame a W.

He went on to reminisce about last year:

We were a team that easily could have won seven, eight or nine games last year, as all of our losses except one ended up a one-score game. But that wouldn’t have mattered, as things needed to change.

Let me be clear: I’m not a football coach, but I’ve seen my fair share of sports flicks and watched great coaching style bring teams to victory. Something that isn’t great coaching style? Reflecting on past losses, and not being able to effectively describe how you plan to win going forward.

Hey Coach Kelly: there’s a year in between your team’s 4-8 record and now. With the exception of DeShone Kizer, most of your stars are returning. You’ve also got some exciting new players. They’re all hyped and they’re ready to perform. But you’re gonna kill their excitement real quick if you keep sounding off like the drunk guy at the end of the bar who goes over every bad play his team made in the fourth quarter 15 years ago.

He’s even said it himself. The key is to be “demanding not demeaning.”

So for this Saturday’s game against Temple, how about a little less of Coach Kelly sounding like a drunk guy remembering his glory days at the bar and a little more Coach Taylor: