Katy Perry Is Selling Concert Tickets On Groupon And I Still Don’t Feel Bad For Her

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Jena Greene Reporter
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This is not a drill. Katy Perry has literally begun selling tickets to her upcoming tour, “Witness The Tour,” on Groupon.

Perry has been plummeting in popularity since she started getting all political and whining about her breakup with Orlando Bloom. She cut her hair to look like a British schoolboy (no offense to the British schoolboys out there), made a bunch of remarks about Donald Trump, and started wearing pantsuits like Hilary Clinton.

I mean come on. Nobody enjoyed it when Hils blamed everyone else for her election loss. Stop blaming Trump for your album failure. It’s not a good look.

So as Katy continues on her downward spiral, she’s taken to Groupon to sell tickets at a SIGNIFICANTLY reduced price. Here’s a little sample:

$9 for a ticket? I don’t like Katy’s new work but I didn’t expect it to retail for less than a day old hoagie at a Brooklyn corner market.

I should have seen this coming. Last month, she announced she was postponing her tour due to “unavoidable production delays.”

Unavoidable production delays don’t happen to megastars like Britney Spears and Taylor Swift. If thousands of people are streaming into an arena to watch you sing, YOU FREAKING SING. It doesn’t matter if the place burns to the ground while you perform. You give those paying customers what they want.

But since the sun is setting on Katy’s popularity and literally nobody enjoys her music, we the consumers can see through nebulous jargon like this. “Unavoidable production delays” really just means nobody wants to Witness the Tour.

It’s not for a lack of trying. She hosted the least-watched VMAs in MTV history a few weekends ago. She live streamed her every waking moment on Snapchat earlier this summer. Katy gave it a real, honest effort.

But I miss the old Katy Perry. Where she was dancing on cotton candy and not a single political utterance came from her. Now she’s trolling Republicans online and begging people to see her in concert. Not exactly a winning formula.

Supporting a supporter, Noah from Iowa. #volunteer #getinvolved -Katy

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Jena Greene