Things To Be Thankful For (And Not Thankful For) For This Thanksgiving
Here is my annual ADD list of random things I am thankful, and not so thankful, for this year:
In his quest to shape his legacy, Trump ordered the execution of 10 Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Obama.
I’m glad my friend Rand Paul is OK after his left-wing neighbor squirrel-jumped Rand while he was mowing his own yard. That is what happens when you crack down on illegal immigration: U.S. Senators have to mow their own yards.
Sexual allegations became the new conviction. After getting out of prison, O.J. Simpson was thrown out of a Las Vegas hotel for being drunk and combative. Wow — just when you think you know someone! But he is safe; no woman will tweet #MeToo about him inappropriately murdering her 25 years ago.
College edu-crats continue to diminish the value proposition of a college education by running up costs, stifling opposing free speech and espousing liberal dogma. They don’t want to be “judged.” They even abandoned a college rating system based on cost and quality of education. Now we are back to the rating system we have always used: the College Football Playoff rankings.
As the investigation of President Trump drones on, the most damning evidence in this expensive farce points to the previous administration and Hillary. Her book blames everyone but herself for her epic loss. Hillary needs to get more honest and realize she’s polishing the Clinton legacy, not creating a Tinder profile.
Not to be outdone, and with their shakedown foundation no longer able to operate, Bill Clinton is writing a new book, a crime thriller novel called My Marriage to Hillary.
Trump stepped up the ill-conceived wars in the Middle East, perhaps winning, but one wonders: winning what? As always, ISIS said it bombed hospitals. So the charity working in the area changed its name to “Doctors without Doctors.”
The Langone Medical center at NYU concluded a study showing human brains remain working for a short time after death. This explains why politicians can stay in the Senate so long.
The NFL’s popularity continues to fade. To boost revenue, the NFL is including a can of lighter fluid with the sale of each jersey. Meanwhile, SEC football rolls on. Tickets for the Georgia vs. Alabama championship game are going for $2500. That’s nuts; for that kind of dough you can see the first act of “Hamilton” on Broadway.
Senator Bob Corker offered some reasoned advice to Trump, igniting a Twitter beat-down response from the President. He called Corker a “lightweight incompetent” and made fun of his height by calling him “Liddle Bob Corker.” It’s good to see the First Lady’s program on anti-bullying is working as well as Michelle Obama’s war on obesity did.
The classified JFK assassination files were partially released. I’ve been associated with JFK since grade school. I remember our principal announcing JFK’s assassination over our school loudspeaker, followed by “Ronnie Hart, please report to the Principal’s office.”
Great news for folks who don’t get good news! Netflix canceled Kevin Spacey’s “House of Cards” over his alleged sexual aggression toward young men but renewed its award-winning show “Orange is the New Black.” It’s the only women’s prison movie men don’t have to immediately delete from their browser history, or a documentary of the transition of Trump into Obama’s White House.
Hollywood got mad at Spacey’s statement that implied his being gay meant he was a pedophile. Two different unions. Hollywood has blackballed him; the Archdiocese of Los Angeles wants to award him a parish.
Trump returned from his important trip to Asia right after China’s president was named the most powerful person in the world. This came as quite a shock to Oprah. Trump visited the statue of the previous prime minister of China, Hu Yao-Bang. He apparently was named for Harvey Weinstein’s casting criteria.
Trump’s extreme vetting got held up in liberal West Coast courts. Southern cities refuse to take in potentially dangerous Middle Eastern immigrants; sanctuary cities like Los Angeles say they will, but say the vetting process will be extensive. The refugees will not be evaluated on their criminal history, race, creed or color, but will be judged like everyone else in LA — by the car they drive.
United Airlines personified passengers’ flying experience by beating and dragging an Asian man off a plane. United later apologized and was kind enough to waive the man’s Passenger Removal Fee.
Thankfully, the drought in California ended, mostly because of normalized seasonal rains but also from all the tears of Left Coast libs when Trump was elected.
A libertarian op-ed humorist and award-winning author, Ron’s a frequent guest on CNN. He can be contacted at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.