Arkansas Fires Bret Bielema

(Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
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Arkansas football coach Bret Bielema was fired after a Friday night loss to Missouri, according to multiple reports. He finished the season an abysmal 4-8.

What a wild turn of events. I swore that I’d ruin Bielema’s career and this season for Arkansas. Here we are. I’m taking over the internet and now he’s unemployed.

I’m a humble man. I really don’t feel the need to brag about ruining a man’s career. I’m just sitting here with a beer, smiling ear to ear and trying to heal from my brutal concussion I got last night. I was so dedicated to watching and facilitating Bielema’s downfall that I didn’t miss a second of the game even though I’m concussed. A weaker man would probably be dead. Perhaps he could learn something from my winning attitude and commitment to the cause.

The strong rise and the weak fall. That’s the way of life.

I hated to do what I’ve done to the Arkansas program and Bielema’s career. Hated to do it, but their downfall was brought on by a feud I didn’t start or ask to be in. However, (internet) warriors don’t always get to pick our battles. Often the battles pick us.

I’d like to personally thank every single hater and critic who said Arkansas would thrive despite the grudge match being played out. I hope each and every one of you had an outstanding Thanksgiving weekend. I know I certainly have.

Finally, my internship offer for Bielema still stands. All he has to do is bend the knee and I will show mercy.

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