Being A Corrupt Athletic College Booster Should Be Something We All Strive For

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David Hookstead Smoke Room Editor-in-Chief
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There are few things in life that would be more fun than being a corrupt athletic booster.

I have lots of dreams and goals in life. I want to completely takeover the internet, marry a supermodel, have a son who is a first round NFL pick as a quarterback after he wins the Heisman in college, finance an Academy Award winning film and I want to have so much money that I can single-handily buy a college athletic program.

There is nothing that seems more appealing to me than giving college athletes a bunch of cash to play for my school. I will throw around bags of money if it means I can get a championship.

And before all you clowns start jumping down my throat, it’d be smart to realize that this is normal procedure for some colleges. You’re delusional if you think corruption doesn’t happen in college sports.

SB Nation had an incredible piece a few years back about the people that organize the payments to college athletes, and I loved it. I don’t know how you could read that piece, and not immediately want to be a bag man for a major college sports program.

I want to be flying around in a private jet with suitcases of case and a dozen different burner phones. If we can’t recruit a superstar QB then I’ll just have to buy one. That’s simply the cost of doing business. This will all undoubtedly lead to me getting busted, but the “30 for 30” will be incredible.

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