Fanfiction is a weird little slice of the internet where intellectual property laws go to curl up and die. Amateur writers spin their own tales revolving around familiar characters. Tales where Captain America is impregnated by Wonder Woman, or the genie from Aladdin eats people Hannibal Lector style, and even one—according to this Buzzfeed list — where Albus Dumbledore makes sweet love to the sorting hat. It’s bad fringe fiction inspired by mainstream fiction.
And — based on the last couple weeks — it appears America’s leftwing media has decided to go into full fanfiction mode with their desperate search for a smoking gun (or any shred of evidence really) that will lend credibility to the tired, used-up “Trump colluded with Russia” narrative.
The recent string of fanfiction-style reports of smoking guns that turned out to be steaming piles began on December 1 when ABC’s Brian Ross reported that Mike Flynn was prepared to testify that candidate Donald Trump directed to make contact with Russian officials before the election. The stock market dropped 350 points. Giddy Joy Behar delivered the news on “The View” and added her own moronic commentary, “Yay. He goes to jail! He goes to jail! He goes to jail! Lock him up!” That was followed by virtually every leftwing political pundit spewing more nuanced versions of the same commentary.
Democrats were all confetti and party-poppers until the next development came along. A tweet from ABC: “CORRECTION of ABC News Special Report: Flynn prepared to testify that President-elect Trump directed him to make contact with the Russians.” That’s a huge correction. That’s the difference between a Tom Clancy spy novel and a Civics textbook. That’s like reporting: “Donald Trump admits he preys on children.” Gasp! Then correcting: “Correction: We’re sorry. Donald Trump admits he prays for children.”
On December 5, Reuters, Bloomberg, and the Wall Street Journal all reported that Mueller subpoenaed Trump accounts from Deutsche Bank. The Reuters’s source was, “A person close to the matter. “ The Bloomberg and Wall Street Journal listed their sources as “a person briefed on the matter.” Bloomberg and the Wall Street Journal corrected their stories while Reuters updated their story to reflect that, “Trump’s lawyers denied any such subpoena had been issued.”
Finally, on December 8, CNN—who recently ran a viral apples vs. bananas marketing campaign in hopes of rebranding their fake news network as a source of truths—ran a story claiming that Donald Trump Jr. received an email from September 4 offering a website for hacked Wikileaks documents. Gasp! Correction: September 14. After the documents were public and everyone in America was emailing the website to everyone else in America.
And this isn’t CNN’s first big swing-and-a-miss moment on Russia. Earlier this year they had to take down a story linking erstwhile Trump Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci to a Russian investment fund. And, in June, they had to correct a story wrongly asserting that James Comey, in a sworn testimony, would refute Trump’s claim that Comey told him he wasn’t under investigation.
Why is the race to become Woodward and Bernstein producing so many Ron Burgundys? Well, every absurd piece of fanfiction is based on source material, a master work of mainstream fiction such as Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Twilight. In the three fake news cases above (a.k.a. the December Fact Massacre of 2017), the Trump-Russia collusion narrative is the master work of mainstream fiction used as inspiration. A myth perpetuated by hoax after hoax of blurry-photo-style evidence.
Mueller may as well drain Loch Ness or send his investigators to the Pacific Northwest on a Sasquatch stakeout because his entire mandate revolves around a fictitious crime. From Bigfoot to Trump-Russia collusion, there’s a reason myths endure—the inability to prove a negative. Nobody can produce documents proving non-collusion, so the country is dragged along in perpetuity on a Unicorn hunt.
The only real evidence that can possible exist of non-collusion is the total absence of evidence, and we’ve been seeing it every day for a year. There’s been bombshell report after bombshell report on evidence of Trump-Russia collusion, and every single one has been a hoax corrected or walked back.
The American media is becoming a hoax machine by pouring all their resources into finding evidence of something that didn’t happen. If it had, there would be evidence popping up. The story would evolve—especially given the number of reporters out there looking find it. It’s a legend-maker. Find the big piece of evidence, take down the president you hate, win the Pulitzer, become an American hero, have any media job you want for the rest of your life, be the king or queen of D.C. until you die, make the history books. But nobody has done it because that path is a phantom chase that’s all traps and no treasure.
The one-celled organism that is the Trump Russia collusion narrative will never evolve because it is intelligently designed fiction brought to you by the anti-Trump bubble. And the fanfiction it’s inspiring is becoming increasingly absurd.
Eddie Zipperer is a political science professor at Georgia Military College.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of The Daily Caller.