Editorial

UPDATE: The Cheeseburger Challenge Is Going Very Well

Culver's (Credit: Jonathan Weiss / Shutterstock.com)

David Hookstead Smoke Room Editor-in-Chief
Font Size:

It’s December 27, and my attempt at eating cheeseburgers and Culver’s as many times as I can through the holiday season is going incredibly well.

As I’m sure you all remember, I weighed in at 185 pounds at the start of this challenge on December 19. Since then I’ve eaten at least one cheeseburger or once at Culver’s a day since December 19, except Christmas and Christmas Eve. There have been a few occasions when I’ve eaten multiple cheeseburgers in a day.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself whether or not I now weigh more than 200 pounds. Certainly you can’t consume this much red meat and freedom without putting on a few pounds.

I’ve now chiseled my chubby frame down three pounds to 182 pounds. I expect the NFL scouts to come calling any day now. I’d personally like to give a shoutout to all the critics who told me eating cheeseburgers everyday for three weeks was bad. Looks like you all have no idea what you’re talking about.

Isn’t this country beautiful? I have the freedom to go from dumping 200 rounds out of an AR-15 and less than 10 minutes later be stuffing my face with a massive burger. I’d like to believe that’s the kind of freedom our founding fathers had in mind when they founded this great land.

What’s freedom if I don’t have the freedom to eat whatever the hell I want. Could I die of a heart attack? Maybe. I’m not ruling it out, but I’ll be going out with my boots on. All the losers and haters out there can enjoy their tofu and whatever garbage the communists eat. I’ll stick to my juicy burgers, beer and guns.

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what freedom and America are all about.

Follow David on Twitter