Team USA Has Unveiled Its Official Winter Gloves And Boy Do I Need A Pair

Photo by Abbie Parr/Getty Images

Jena Greene Reporter
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Team USA unveiled its official winter getup today and to be honest, it’s nothing short of electric.

More specifically, it looks like I need the gloves immediately.

Designed by Ralph Lauren, the gloves are a nod to the untamed western frontier. They harken back to a simpler time. Back when men were men and Americans had an the intrepid spirit of a wild bison charging through the tall Montana grasses. Could you wear these gloves and not want to win? Could you slide on a pair of these bad boys and not start quoting John Wayne? My gut is telling me no.

It’s nearly impossible to hate these bad boys. If you hate fringed suede gloves, you probably hate freedom, winning, and being warm. Three of the most basic American values. Just imagine how sweet Team USA is going to look when they roll in for the opening ceremony on February 8th. Americans already have a reputation for being unpredictable cowboys, we may as well embrace it. Let the rest of the world laugh while we roll through in our blue jeans and fringed gloves. Let them laugh as the National Anthem blares through the loud speakers after an American  wins the gold once again. Let them laugh as we continue to dominate the world in everything we set our mind to. In fact I hope Ralph Lauren has a few hundred cowboy hats ready to ship to PyeongChang next month too. Because America is back in a big way – believe me.

And for all the haters out there who are inevitably going to call these fringed gloves cultural appropriation to indigenous people, go cry into your bowl of Pow Wow Chow and leave the winning to the real Americans.