Rapper And Former Stripper Cardi B Has Some Hilarious Hot Takes On Taxes

(Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NARAS)

David Hookstead Smoke Room Editor-in-Chief
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Rapper and former stripper Cardi B had a rant for the ages about taxes, and it’s hard to disagree with some of her logic.

Cardi, whose real name is Belcalis Almanzar, went on and on about how she doesn’t know how the government is using her tax dollars. That’s a solid question to ask, but she kind of lost me when she compared it to getting updates after donating to poor kids. There was also some rambling about underwear and prisons somewhere in the whole mix. If you’re a tax paying American, and only watch one video today, I’d recommend making it this one.

Look, I’m not an expert on taxes. I know literally nothing about them. As far as I’m concerned, taxes are the price I pay to stay out of prison and not have bombs dropping on my head.

I had a phone call with somebody the other day about their taxes, and I was completely lost before he’d finished his first sentence. There were words being thrown around that didn’t even make sense to me. I suggested that it might be cheaper if he just started making massive donations to politicians to get the whole tax code rewritten, but apparently that’s not as easy as I thought it would be. So, please don’t think this is me being preachy or judgmental. It’s not. I’m not any better off when it comes to understand why taxes are a load of garbage.

However, I’m pretty sure the reason prisoners aren’t getting cushy robes on Rikers Island is because they’re in prison. It’s not because Cardi B’s taxes are used for stuff she’s unaware of. I’m sympathetic to her position. I truly am. It’s sickening that our top tax rate in this country for 2017 (prior to the cuts) was 39.6 percent. The high tax rates are one of the most embarrassing and disgusting things about this country, and that’s coming from somebody who loves America.

Having said all of that, you’re crazy if you expect the government to give you an update on how every single penny is spent. All I want to know is that my tax money is being used to kill terrorists, keep the military strong, stop bridges from collapsing, stop bombs from being dropped on us and maybe we have a little money left over to investigate aliens. I’m not asking for much. I’m a simple dude. Do I like paying taxes? Hell no, but I really wouldn’t say it’s the same as donating to kids in Africa. Take my money, buy some fighter jets, buy some M4s, buy some tanks, buy some bullets and do what we do best. I don’t need an itemized break down.

You also have to love how shocked she’s behaving in this video. Did she just find out that taxes are insanely high? It reminds me of all the athletes in ESPN’s outstanding documentary “Broke.” They get to the pros and all of a sudden find out FICA exists. It never stop being funny. The good news is that with her remaining money, I think she’ll be okay.

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