We’re two days into Mark Zuckerberg’s hearing on Capitol Hill but if I’m being honest, it feels like it’s been centuries.
The Zuck has had to answer a variety of questions, ranging from “can you see my DMs?” to “are you targeting my ads based on things I say near my Facebook app?” Needless to say, the hearing has been illuminating.
Those of us concerned with the spice of life have been despairing over the last 24 hours because this hearing is icky and boring. There’s just no red meat.
Or so we thought.
Slowly but surely, a few funny little details are coming forth. Just that silly, innocent stuff that makes Zuckerberg look even more like a clown than he already is.
Like, for example, when he left his notes open to go take a potty break and all the journalists inside the hearing descended on that binder like a swarm of locusts.
Mark Zuckerberg’s notes today, from AP photojournalist Andrew Harnik pic.twitter.com/OXoLnXsg1l
— Andrea Woo | 鄔瑞楓 (@AndreaWoo) April 11, 2018
#Zuckerberg had to bring notes to his hearing to remind him of what good things about Facebook exist. pic.twitter.com/OljzkcAARH
— Ryan Saavedra (@RealSaavedra) April 11, 2018
Zuckerberg’s note on how to answer questions on European privacy rules: “Don’t say we do what [European privacy rules] require.” pic.twitter.com/QOpU3Qj8hI
— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) April 11, 2018
Here’s the Apple/Tim Cook portion of #Zuckerberg‘s notes pic.twitter.com/HynLco85aV
— John Paczkowski (@JohnPaczkowski) April 10, 2018
And if this didn’t make Zuckerberg look like enough of a joker, he also sat on a 4-inch cushion during his entire hearing.
The guy’s 5’7″ and I get that it’s tough to be a short guy, but come on. Bringing a custom made congressional hearing pad to your own personal questioning is not helping the situation. It makes everybody look bad.
Tech companies pretend they don’t understand the subtlety of the bias their platforms introduce, but OF COURSE they do.
Zuckerberg is 5’7”
His team has him sitting on a 4” cushion during testimony because they know it’s important for him not to look small or meek in the pics. pic.twitter.com/9on6W3eppi
— Kaivan Shroff (@KaivanShroff) April 10, 2018
I’ve always been skeptical of Zuckerberg. Thought he was kind of slimy and unlikeable. But this takes it in a different direction. I no longer think he’s some wiley weasel bent on hacking our brains. I’m convinced that he’s a full-on robot. He can’t sit and answer questions without help from carefully curated commands like “Defend Facebook.” He can’t sit normally without being propped up by a cushion. The guy’s not an evil genius. He’s a program. There’s just no need to worry anymore. So everybody can chill out and stop worrying about Facebook taking over the world. We’re safe now.
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