Remember the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” campaign? He could speak French in Russian. His blood smelled like cologne. And when he had a 50/50 shot at something the odds were always 80/20 in his favor.
Well, now we also have the “Unluckiest Man in the World” campaign.
Enter Elon Musk.
All the SpaceX and Tesla CEO wants to do is make world-changing electric cars while bringing men to Mars, but at every turn, there always seems to be someone, somewhere — human, Martian or otherwise — trying to stymie the progress he’s making at revolutionizing humankind.
Of course, none of these shortfalls could possibly have anything to do with Musk overextending himself; as one of the premier innovators of our time, the man can practically walk on water and do no wrong. His Thomas Edison-like entrepreneurial instincts come just once in a generation and allow him to make rockets, electric cars, solar panels and high-speed transportation tunnels all at the same time while doing much else — such as selling flamethrowers and weighing in on artificial intelligence debates — in between.
The ostensible problem is that there are a handful of special interests that are all-too-intent on putting nails in the tires of the Musk happening train for their own personal gain. These corporate opportunists and extraterrestrial naysayers try convincing government leaders that he isn’t worth the over $5 billion in government support he has received to date. They do this by sabotaging his great work and have apparently even prevented some of his companies from ever seeing a single dollar in net profits.
The most recently reported example of this phenomena came just days ago. In a series of emails to Tesla employees, Musk noted that he found a traitor on the company’s payroll who could have possibly allied with one of the companies on the “long list of organizations that want Tesla to die” — such as Wall Street short-sellers, diesel car companies and oil and gas firms.
According to Musk, this individual or one with similar intentions could have been responsible for starting a ”small fire” that just occurred on the production line, which delayed Tesla’s already-massively behind operations even further. Never mind that the Tesla factory has already seen four fires over the last four years. When considering the array of similar instances of sabotage that have occurred among his other companies, particularly SpaceX, it wouldn’t be surprising if bad actors caused the other four Tesla smoke shows either.
In 2015, a SpaceX rocket exploded because of — as Musk’s company pointed out in an internal investigation — a supplier-provided strut. Yet, the big money behind Musk must have planted a bug in NASA of all places. The cause of this explosion has been settled by Musk for years. But, just months ago, NASA issued a report blaming SpaceX, not a subcontractor, for the incident — a conclusion that only executives from a fierce competitor could have possibly concocted.
And then came the aliens. Anyone that watches footage of a subsequent rocket explosion that came one year later can see that a small object — some think it was a UFO, drone, or a bullet from a competing launcher — may have interfered with SpaceX’s mission. Of course, Musk heavily investigated the matter.
Notwithstanding these attacks from special interests, the government support that Musk’s operations receive has remained largely intact. For the time being, Tesla still has its $7,500-per-vehicle federal tax credit, while SpaceX just received $15 million from the State of Florida and $130 million from the Air Force.
However, it will only be a matter of time before Musk’s detractors use the most recent Tesla fire ”blunder” as an excuse to call for an end to some of the billionaire’s tax credits and subsidies. Time and time again, they make Rahm Emanuel proud by never letting a good crisis go to waste. Only this time, due to what Musk characterizes as wide-scale, ever-increasing media bias against him, their attacks might stick.
The world’s unluckiest man has already faced enough grief. Public investigators must keep a closer eye on Musk’s operations and stop the competitors, aliens, drones and other external forces that are causing the inventor and taxpayers this distress and chaos. The sooner the root cause of Musk’s problems is addressed, the sooner the American people will begin reaping the ripened fruits of Musk’s $5 billion-plus in labor.
And don’t worry, so long as you don’t try them they will taste just like plump peaches even if they look like rotten kiwi.
Tron Simpson is host of the nationally recognized Tron Simpson Show, heard on KVOR 740 AM in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Find out more at www.tronshow.com.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of The Daily Caller.