It’s So Cold In Wisconsin That Bars Are Closing, Alcohol Shipments Halted

Miller Lite (Credit: Shutterstock/LunaseeStudios)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
Font Size:

The cold weather is officially a problem for people in Wisconsin.

Due to wind chills colder than -50 degrees, bars are closing and some alcohol shipments have been delayed or limited.

That’s correct. The situation is so severe in Wisconsin that they’ve stopped serving booze to the locals! Ladies and gentlemen, you know we have a problem on our hands when the good people of the Badger State can’t have an ice cold Miller Lite(SLIDESHOW: These Are The Greatest Women On Instagram)

I’m not one to panic when it comes to things that happen in life, but it might be time to call it a day when the beer shipments aren’t hitting the roads.

Forget about food and water. I can hunt and melt snow if it comes to it. Don’t worry about my people back home when it comes to getting their hands on those two resources.

However, it’s a whole different ball game if they can’t get some frosty brews to drink as they wait out the weather.

If there was ever a time for Trump to call a national emergency, it’s right now. We should get every military aircraft we have into the air, and we should start airdropping pallets of Miller Lite throughout the state.

This is a dire situation, and dire times call for extreme actions. I want this air operation to make the Berlin Airlift look like a joke.

For everybody back home, stay safe and ration what little Miller Lite you might have left in your reserves. I will do everything I can to get those planes in the air as quickly as I can. I’ll be damned if I let -50 degree weather deprive my state of their God given right to drink beer.

Follow David Hookstead on Twitter