The college football season will be here before we know it, and it’s time to remember a fundamental rule about dating during that part of the year.
I want to be crystal clear on this one, and it might be the most important thing I ever write. Listen to what I say, soak it up and take it seriously.
Do not date a woman who hates college football, especially during the season. Just don’t do it. You should go play in traffic instead of dating a woman who hates football.
It’s a much better option than the latter. Football is the backbone of America, and any woman who isn’t down with that cause doesn’t deserve one second of your time.
Women who hate football are the same kind of people who don’t celebrate the Miracle on Ice anniversary every year like it’s Christmas on steroids.
There’s no place for people like that in our great and glorious country. Either love football or get the hell out.
If your girlfriend can’t shotgun a shower beer to get a Saturday in the fall started, then you’re likely dating the wrong woman. If your girlfriend thinks it’s better to hang out with her friends during a primetime game than watching the action, they’re you’re 100% dating the wrong woman.
Run for the hills, run for the mountains, run for the ocean and don’t look back for one second. If your girlfriend honestly suggests going out with her friends instead of watching a matchup between two powerhouses, then just jump off a bridge. Your life is over if you continue down that path.
Now, some of you are going to want to argue that I’m suggesting you can’t watch a game with a woman at a bar or in a group.
That’s not what I’m arguing at all. I’m arguing the game has to be the focus. The college football regular season is a short few months. You can hang out with her friends during the baseball season. During the football season, scoring touchdowns, drinking beers, winning conference titles and racking up hardware is all that matters.
Everything else can be put off for later when it’s not the football season. This might sound harsh. It could sound like I’m going too far.
Gentlemen, I’m trying to be your savior here. I’m trying to save your lives and save the fall months for each and every one of you. You don’t have to call me a hero. I’m sure you’d all do the same for me.
As for all the women out there who love college football and partying on Saturdays as we pray and hope our teams win, you guys are the true heroes.
You’re the ones we get out of bed for in the morning, and know you are appreciated. Trust me, we might not always show it, but real always recognizes real.
As for women who hate football, get out. Just get out. We don’t want your kind here and we don’t want you having children who will also grow up to hate football.
I hear plane tickets to North Korea are very reasonable this time of year.